Oh no. Oh no! Why is there Goblin Santa doing Gangnam Style? This is the dumpster-diving of 2017. The world’s worst games are probably on Android. How about Cup Hand Adventure? I don’t know if this is Cup Hand or Shot Glass Bro. Yep. Yep. What, what’s that? You wanted sound effects? I’m sorry. You don’t get sound effects, motherfucker. Watch an ad for the sound effects. Really, what else can I say? This is Cup Hand Adventure. And I already want to die. It says here this is “Cup Hand and Head Adventure”. I’m not even kidding. Something went wrong. Yeah, you could say that again. Something went wrong. How do I do this again? Just get hit by a taxi. It’s fine. I wonder if this game has that– Wow. What is the fuck this? What is the fuck? This is like a Goat Simulator parody, I think. You can just fly, it’s not a problem. Whatever you want to do. You fly, you cup, you head, you Cup Hand Head Adventure. Watch me guide Cup Friend. The superhero, Cup Friend, through the realistic world. So, that’s Cup Head and Hand Adventure. As you can see, there was a whole lot of gameplay for all of us. “Tap and hold the cat while the barber got distracted. Release it when the barber hanged up her phone.” “You have been caught!” What is happening? I don’t understand! What, but why is this cat girl jostling that poor cat? Like I don’t understand the point of this and how…? Cat Sim is next. Cat Sim. Cat. Sim. Well, I want to be a chicken. Ducky? Man, only Android games have the power to make me hate ducks. That’s why we’re going with Sammy. Wow, Cat Simulator looks cool. I didn’t know you could be a robot. Holy shit, is Sammy inside that mech? Damn, this game is a lot more hardcore than I thought. Have fun. Have fun, the game says. You ready to have fun? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Cat Simulator, this is what it’s like. Yeah, get wall jump. With the power of wall jumping I can get to any location. Perhaps I can escape the boundaries of this third dimensional realm. Tryin’! Nope! Yes! Yes, it is done! I’ve escaped! Endless nothing, for the rest of forever. Super Bruno World. Bruno. You’re beautiful. Don’t let anybody tell you you can’t be a brother. If you want to be a Mario brother, and you really put your mind to it, you can be one. Wow, I mean, I was gonna say this looks a little bit too close to Mario 64. But maybe they could get away with it. No. It’s just straight up. It’s just straight up Mario Nintendo, if you’re watching, uh, you know, take this out. Take this one out. Oh my god. It’s Bob-omb Battlefield. But with none of the fun. So what’s that? You liked goombas? [Grunts] Bruno was one of the Shinra soldiers, and then he quits Shinra and decided to become an adventurer, but then he took an… [indecipherable] He took too many adderall, and now he’s dead, but only on the inside. his body still is animated. He can still move. I wonder what Bruno’s Luigi would be called. Lance? Giulio? [Repeated star sound effect] [Laughter] Doctor Ninja is next. [Loud electronic/dubstep music] [Laughter] And of course there’s a fly button. So many of these games have to have fly button– oh my god. It’s just Cup. It’s Cup Hero Friend again. Mother of fuck! I’m here. Your flying blue savior has arrived. What’s up, boo? you ready, it’s time for some CPR. Oh no, it’s not. It’s time for Candy Crush. Time’s up? Oh, all right. Yeah, just walkin’ through fuckin’ ambulance [Clapping] Love it! Look at that fidget neighbor. Reminds me a lot of Jack Nicholson from The Shining. “There are some bullies bursting your tyree” “Stop them. Use your fidget spinner to stop them.” I’ve been streaming for seven and a half years. I’ve been incredulous. I’ve been utterly surprised, shocked, on so many occasions. This is a night I’ll remember forever. “Stupid kids. Hey, what in the world are you doing to my car?” “Maybe I can use my fidget spinner to attack them.” Seven years I’ve been streaming. Yes, please, please let me throw myself off the world. Thank you Jesus. Praise Him. Okay, so this is really based on Hard Time. This isn’t a bootleg. [Laughs] Why does there… why does this guy got a gun in prison? You could bring me a fork by this time tomorrow. I’d really appreciate it. Dude. I just suffered an explosion and a testicular torsion. There’s no way I can help you and that’s a foot to the dick. What? I am now a vending machine! Don’t mind me. Just, just being a vending machine! Super Bono Odyssey. Who’s– who’s that? That’s Bono, and just there’s no letter on this particular unknown brother. This brother is totally unknown to the f– to the point where he doesn’t even have… It doesn’t even have a letter. Oh my god, that’s brutal! Unbelievable. By the way, I’m not kidding the name of this game is really… Where’d you come from, asshole? Penguin Simulator. Oh this looks okay. I didn’t click on Pirates of the Caribbean game. No! No no no, no! I’m playing Penguin Simulator not Pirates. Holy shit! Oh, it’s Goat Simulator. When you get to a level of quality, that’s so incredibly low every time you do this… Anything that actually is playable is like a gift from the Lord. Yay, videogames. Can I watch more ads now, please? I haven’t watched enough ads. It’s okay, I’m a penguin, I can handle this. …and you can also be Darth Penguin if you want to. But you might not get it because you got to watch an ad box, and if you get the right ad, you’ll unlock Darth Penguin. You never know! Simulator Doctor Freddy Joke. It’s like, It’s, it’s like they’re being generated by fucking computers. [Laughing quietly] What is this!? What is this? [Laughing and speaking indecipherably] What does this have to do with Simulator Fred joke? Why is the word “joke” in the title? San Andreas crime stories. Oh look, here’s the humon. Hello, humon. Is this your helicopter? I, a fellow… [Voice clip] I’m already late I, a fellow humon wish to have a conversation with you. Nice car. Watch is the majestic car tries to climb the mountain. Yep! Just have that model get all stretch, okay, alright.We’re, we’re going into infinity. [Game:]Peace, brother. I’m ready to dance! Oh my god. I died from that? What? No attempt to hide that this game is infringe. So, some nice stolen assets. “The Master Sword is gone. This is bad.” “Mwakhahaha! We have steal the Master Sword!” “What’s happened?” Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa. Zelda, what is wrong with your arm? Here it is. Breath of the Wild with all its majesty. Could you imagine if this is what we got when I came out? The Master Sword is somewhere around here. That run cycle that link has though, that is real good. There’s also like fragments of boot floating. Just in case? You were wondering what that was? Those are fragments of boot. I guess this is an attempt at a dungeon? Oh, please let this kill me. Yeah. It’s majestic is what it is. 3D Neighbor House Escape is the name of this one. Look at that motherfucker. Holy shit. That’s a genuinely scary neighbor. Wow, this is just, this is just a ripoff of Hello Neighbor. This isn’t even like a veiled attempt. What the fuck? Look at the neighbor! [Laughs] Scary neighbor music. The game wants me to get in the house, but everything is all fucking boarded up, man. Let me go back to my house. Oh, there’s, there’s stuff in my house, huh? Open door with key. Alright, go. Go, use key. What a fucking convoluted control scheme, holy shit. Oh fuck, hamburg? That was a cheeseburg actually. Maybe I can go over there and give the neighbor the cheeseburg and he’ll like me and we could be friends. There it is. I did it. He thinks he’s clever. I know where he is. I know where he is. You can’t catch me. I’ve outsmarted the neighbor Whoa whoa, whoa you’re not supposed to, no no no, this is my property now asshole. Whoa! Whoa, that is uncalled for. What the fuck he doesn’t have any animation? That is a genuinely cree–[Laughs]. This is a genuinely creepy neighbor, holy shit. Look at him. Oh my god. He’s ascending. Oh my god. This is scarier than any of the spooktober stuff I played this year. Okay now you’re invading my house. You are now on my property. in my house, stuck on my ceiling. All right, well I win. Guess what? I win. Any potential business I had is now come to an end. My quarrel was with the neighbor, not his house. Guess we can go home. Oh no, how’d you get out of there? How’d you get out? No! “A cat full house, I wonder if a stray cat girl is going to appear on anyone’s doorstep as I don’t have a girlfriend “I’m working part-time job every day so that I can forget the loneliness. There is a cat in a cardboard box in “bushes of the park on box it says ‘please take me home'” “Good I’m happy you do, I wish you were a human girl” “Ha ha no way of such a thing” “You want wish come true” “What?” “Suddenly a magic square has appeared on the floor.” Oh as they do of course “and it lights up the room like daytime” “What’s going on” “Good evening, this is magical girl Mei, I make everyone’s wish come true” “What’s the heck?” “…this game you raise the intimacy level the numbers on the scr–” What do you mean intimacy level? Although she’s so cute, You cannot touch the breasts and thighs!? Something about calling the police? Fumbling… ok that’s enough of that.