(intro song plays) (-_-) Before, there was board games, and then they made video games. And then they made board games OF THE video games. So they went to cardboard and plastic to pixels on a screen, back to cardboard and plastic again. Let’s see how well some of these ‘Video Game Board Game’ games’have turned out. First up is Pac-Man. If you know how Pac-Man is played, then there’s not much to say. They translated the video game to physical medium in a pure, faithful way. The famous pellets are represented by these balls which go in his mouth. Ehh..it works okay. Damn! The main difference is that there’s multiple Pac-Men for a competitive game play. On each players turn, they control their Pac-Man and also a ghost to chase after the other Pac-Men. If caught, they go back to the starting point. Imagine what it would be like to be trapped for all eternity with two ghosts. The game ends when all the balls are gone. The player to gobble the most balls wins. I do have to say, the Pac-Man pieces are a little strange looking. Even the instructions say “move your SILLY Pac-Man playing piece.” As if they were admitting, it’s stupid. The game isn’t perfect for sure, its just kind of you know, I guess you could say its… AVGN: I think the proper term you’re searching for is… …IT’S A PIECE OF SHIT! Who would want to play the board game of Pac-Man when you can play the video game instead? Board James: You mean like that asinine Atari 2600 version where they couldn’t even get Pac-Man into a circle shape? It’s not great. But at the time, this was a better way to get Pac-Man into a home than that flickering glitchy mess. AVGN: Face it, nobody cares about board games. BJ: I prefer to have something physical where you can actually get your hands on. Here’s a better example: Pac-Man Magnetic Maze This version gives you more of that instant gratification of real-time action you’re looking for. It’s closer to the video game. You actually use a joystick which wobbles the board around, therefore, moving the pieces. The goal is to collect the points, which magnetized Pac-Man’s head and bring them back to the start point while avoiding the ghosts or… “monsters”. Why do they refer the ghosts as “monsters”? AVGN: Because it’s GARBAGE, what kind of board game uses the joystick anyway? BJ: Okay, let’s try Super Mario Bros. That’s a great action oriented game with plenty of possibilities. The art style is pretty much in tune with the video game, but let’s see how it plays. Each player takes turns controlling Mario. That’s odd that you all share the same pawn. If you roll red, you move on to the next red space. If you roll yellow, you move on to the next yellow space. *Board James rolling the die and moving Mario while humming the Mario theme* AVGN: Real fun game, really beats playing the video game, does it? Don’t do just love rolling that die? Roll, roll, roll Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll doo..doo… *shit sound* Yeah, it’s pretty tedious. You’re constantly landing on spaces potentially covering almost the entire board. Having numbered dice would have made the game much quicker paced. Sure, you can choose to take alternate paths …but the choices of where to go are very limited. There’s hardly any strategy involved. Your turn ends when you roll STOP …then the other players take control of Mario. Whenever you collect 4 coins, you can trade them in for an extra roll or an ‘extra life’ as the instruction manual calls it. A mushroom gives you 4 coins but since 4 coins gives you an extra life couldn’t a mushroom just be an extra life? AVGN: Yeah, you might have to take some fucking mushrooms to understand this game. BJ: Then there’s the hazard cards. Whenever you hit a question mark (block), you collect another card which you can use on the other players. Basically, what the cards do is spawn enemies for the other players to land on. If they land on an enemy, they lose a life or in other words, the turn goes back to you. The goal of the game is to be the first player to land on the final space, therefore rescuing the Princess. Well, This is kinda stupid! AVGN: Now you’re talking some sense! Nothing in the game matters, it’s all about who gets that final roll. What’s the point of putting hazards down? Just wait for Mario to get near the end,
Then start playing competitively! By putting down hazards, all you’re doing is slowing Mario down and prolonging the game! It’s like trying to play a game of Chess by yourself, Everything you do on one side, counteracts the other. BJ: It could easily be solved if there were 2 different playing pieces, like… Like, only if there was somebody else besides Mario, like who is- who is that now? uuhhm, Luigi?! AVGN: Nailed it on the head like a Hammer Brother, brother! BJ: It sucks! AVGN: How much does it suck? BJ: It FUCKING sucks! AVGN: Say it like it is! BJ: IT’S A SHITLOAD OF FUCK! AVGN: That’s a good one! BJ: Here’s one that’s ok, it’s “Super Mario Bros. The Great Ladder Race Game”. Here, 2 players, Mario and Luigi race to get up and down a ladder without falling off. You have to appreciate the simplicity, i like games that deal with physics. AVGN: Yeah, but what it is have to do with Mario? Isn’t this exactly what you want with a Mario game?
Hanging on fucking ladders?! BJ: Well, come to think of it, it should have been based on the ladder finale from “It’s the Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World”. But anyway, I think this is pretty good, because instead of trying to force a video game into a board game, Here, they just made something new. I’m just trying to look on the positive side. AVGN: There is no positive side. It’s like trying to describe a dog turd, that’s been sitting on the sidewalk. Which side is better?
The side that’s been facing up, drying up in a hot afternoon sun, Or the side that’s stickin’ to the cement, staying moist and shitty. BJ: Alright, let’s try “The Legend of Zelda”. The art design looks promising enough. The board is colorful, appealing and represents the labirynth style of gameplay that we know and love. Well, just like in the Mario game, all the players share Link. They each take turns moving him around. Each room has it’s own set of colored tiles. When you land on a yellow square, you uncover a tile. If it’s a monster, you fight it by rolling the “Battle” dice. If the number of swords rolled is equal or higher than the number on the monster, you win If the monster has a heart, you get a heart, but if you lose, you lose one of your hearts. If anyone loses all their hearts, the game ends. When you uncover the special item, you can move to the next room, in the very last room lies the Triforce. When somebody gets the Triforce, the game ends, but they don’t necessarily win. The winner is the person to have the most hearts when the game is over. Well, makes more sense than the Mario game, but it’s definitely no “HeroQuest” or “DragonStrike”. AVGN: Because these games were MEANT to be board games. This was meant to be a VIDEO game! BJ: Yeah, I wish I was playing the real Zelda instead. AVGN: Damn straight.
Now you’re starting to see the light, Board James, Or should I call you, Video James. Here’s “Street Fighter II”, the board game. I guess there was no “Street Fighter I” game. Oh no, they did it, they took “Street Fighter” literally.
It’s just a bunch of fucking streets! Get it?! “Street Fighter”?! They fight on the streets! ON THE STREETS ! AVGN: You’re right, it’s ass! I’m gonna go play the video game. AVGN: You’re right, it’s ass! I’m gonna go play the video game.
BJ: Fine. BJ: This is pretty big board anyway, for a video game that’s just 2 people fighting. All it really needed was dice and cards. When you roll a die, you don’t count spaces, you count directions on the street, so everytime you turn a corner, that’s one number on the die. When players meet, they fight, by doing what?
You guessed it, rolling “Battle” dice. *dice rolling* The winner gains on their power meter, the higher your meter gets, the more dice you get to roll in battle. First player to get their meter to the top wins, but then there’s M. Bison, who has a countdown meter. If his countdown meter makes it to the end, that means everybody loses. The players can also try fighting M. Bison if they’re powerful enough. If someone beats him, that person wins the game. Wow! Just as much fun as playing the video game. *Street Fighter II footage* *rolling a die* *Street Fighter II footage* *rolling the “battle” dice* (¬_¬) *Street Fighter II footage* *Street Fighter II footage* *Street Fighter II footage*
*Guile dies* *yay!* This is a mess. This WHOLE thing is a mess! What do i need this for? Did i put this together right? “Remove the pawn stands, building stands, clips and pegs from underneath the cardboard platform. Separate the clips and twist the pegs off their runner. Discard waste.” Hmm… “Discard waste”. *box landing in the trash can* Tetris? Oh no, you’ve gotta be kidding me! Who makes a board game of Tetris? HOW do you make a board game of Tetris?! That isn’t even POSSIBLE! Wha- What am i supposed to do here?
Play fucking Tetris on cardboard? ♪ *Board James ‘singing’ the Tetris A theme* ♪ Fuck this! Players all simultaneously and randomly pick block shapes out of the box, they place them on the board, and arrange them just like if you were playing Tetris. If you get a block you don’t want, you pass it to the next player. When somebody reaches the top, the game ends. Whoever has the least amount of open spaces, wins. So, basically you’re trying to cover as many spaces as possible in the quickest amount of time. What’s the point? I guess it’s good for people who don’t have electricity, but still want to play video games. You could play it on GameBoy with AA batteries! Who needs this shit?! Who makes video games into board games?! It’s all a bunch of circle-jerk marketing bullshit! I played some board games out of boredom, but THIS SHIT, you gotta be REALLY bored! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! (ಠ_ಠ) *THUMP!* *AVGN Theme plays* AVGN: You know who you are. You’re a nerd. You’ll always be a nerd. A Video Game nerd. *AVGN Theme playing*