“Very Fine People on Both Sides” vs. Crisis Actors Conspiracy: The Bracket of Bullshit Championship
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“Very Fine People on Both Sides” vs. Crisis Actors Conspiracy: The Bracket of Bullshit Championship

October 8, 2019


All month,
we’ve been celebrating our bracket tournament,
Third Month Mania. This time, we pitted the
past year’s 64 biggest moments of bullshit against each other, 32 pieces of bullshit
from Donald Trump and 32 pieces of bullshit
from the rest of the world, which we felt was an even match. And, tonight, after six rounds and two million of your votes, we finally have a winner. So, to crown the champ,
let’s turn one last time to our very own bullshitters
Roy Wood Jr. and Michael Kosta! -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) Welcome
to Third Month Mania finals. This is what it’s all about,
people, the Arthur A. Bullshit
championship trophy. Yes, it is, Kosta. People lie straight-faced
their whole lives -for this piece of hardware.
-That’s right. But this year, only two
contestants were bullshit enough to reach the final round. President Trump’s claim that the Charlottesville
Nazi protest -had “very fine people
on both sides”… -Yup. …going up
against the conspiracy theory that the Parkland shooting
survivors were crisis actors. Yeah, but before we get
to the finals, let’s look at who those two bits
of bullshit had to pass to get here. In the semifinals, the Parkland
crisis actors bullshit barely beat out
Tucker Carlson saying, “The United States ended slavery
around the world, and maybe we should get
some credit for that.” (laughter, groaning) Wait. Some credit? So wait. So now white people
want reparations for slavery? Well, if you think
about it, Roy, if we didn’t end slavery,
who would? (laughter) That’s a good point.
Good point. (laughter) And to get to the finals, Trump’s “very fine people”
bullshit defeated his claim that he had “the biggest crowd in the
history of inaugural speeches.” That’s bigger bullshit
than when I fake a limp to board airplanes early,
you know? Oh, my God.
How do you sleep? I sleep in the exit row. Yeah. But when the dust settled, it
was all down to our finalists. On the Trump side, the president saying
the Charlottesville Nazi rally had “very fine people
on both sides.” -Now that’s the one that I think
should go all the way. -Yeah. How are you going
to say Nazis are good people? -How are you going to say that?
-Well, come on, Roy. You’re gonna tell me
that there are no good Nazis? I mean, you don’t think
Rommel would have helped jumpstart your car
in the winter, or you don’t think Goebbels
would send your mom an Edible Arrangement
on her birthday? You sound
like the intolerant one here. (laughter) -Are you serious?
-No. I’m bullshitting. I’m bullshitting.
It’s what we do. -Oh, okay. Okay.
-I mean, come on. Come on. -Uh, you got me. You got me.
-Come on. But as crazy as that quote was, it had to go head-to-head
with the conspiracy theory that the Parkland students
are crisis actors. -This is such bullshit, Roy.
-Come on. We all know if you’re an actor
playing a high schooler, you’re at least 30 years old. I mean, like,
Luke Perry, really? Luke Perry served
in World War II. That’s true. -He got a couple of medals. Yup.
-Yeah. -Let’s get to the big moment.
-Here we go. Come on. Let’s get to the big moment. It’s time for us
to crown a champion. -We have the envelope.
-(exhales loudly) I’m nervous. Are Moonlight jokes still cool
to…? No, they’re bullshit.
Yeah, they’re bullshit. -Okay, okay. Cool.
-Yeah. Here we go. Well, the winner
of the 2018 Third Month Mania for the year’s
biggest bullshit… -(exhales loudly)
-by your vote of 61% to 39%… (drumroll) The winner is… BOTH: “Very fine people
on both sides”! (noisemaker blows)
-WOOD: Wow. -Unbelievable! -Wow!
-(cheers and applause) This was a once
in a lifetime bullshit! -Crazy! -Look at this!
-(fanfare plays) Congratulations!
And now we honor this incredible bullshit
by retiring its jersey and sending it up
to the rafters forever. There it is. (fanfare plays) TRUMP:
You also had people that were very fine people
on both sides. Very fine people on both sides. You also had people that were very fine people
on both sides. Very fine people on both sides. Another… another
fine tournament on both sides. Thank you to everyone who voted. -This is just so much bullshit,
man. -Good job. Yeah. Yeah. It’s so much bullshit,
and if you didn’t vote, -that’s some bullshit.
-That’s some bullshit, too. -Back to you, Trevor.
-Yeah, I’m… It’s all right. Michael Kosta, Roy Wood, Jr.,
everybody!

Only registered users can comment.

  1. A conservative president who looks at a rally of neo-Nazis and sees many fine people? I wonder what General Eisenhower would have to say about that.

  2. I say the school shooting survivor conspiracy theory is bigger bull shit.
    I have seen a dumb ass tell me " I'm a mother and I'll be upset if my children died those parents are not" " and others say " where are the dead bodies" ( buried because it is disrespectful to show the bodies" the the worst bullshitter I've seen was a guy who said " wake up they are all fake, parkland, sandyhoock, even the holocaust"

  3. A better BS video……YOU TUBE….John Cadogan/ "BS plausibility matrix"…..Its pure genius!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Wtf? The U.S ended slavery around the world?!!!? The U.S was one of the LAST western countries to end slavery!

  5. Rommel wasn't exactly a nazi, sure he did show some support of the regime, but he had his own ideas, far less toxic than nazism!

  6. That is like only thing i ever respected that Trump ever sad, it takes two to dance you know…

  7. Sorry for being bullshit, Roy…. But I'm gasp Mexican!!! We're in the middle of an Invisible War against the English and there is a great and Valiant natural wall (Río Bravo) that separates US ;_;

  8. Oh there were "good" Nazis, but they were good Nazis, because they acted un nazi like. Schindler and Rabe for example.

  9. I'm 100% behind the idea that our "president" calling Nazis "fine people" is kind of the worst bullshit ever, but let's not overlook how shitty it is to call children who just survived a horrific shooting liars.

  10. It's funny how people from the US like to claim that they were the first to outlaw slavery when Mexico and several European countries had done so years prior.

  11. there is a video where DAvid from FL was being coached by a CNN reporter about the shooting.
    Also, the San Bernardino shotting was also a HOAX, google it.

  12. Technically Oskar Schindler was a member of the Nazi party. So that’s one. (I don’t want to legitimize the bullshit in any way, I just find that particular fact interesting).

  13. Not a horrible salute…just tuck that thumb down & keep that wrist a bit straighter as if your arm from your elbow down was a solid piece of steel (like a T-1000). WHAACHA!

  14. Aw man. I think the crisis actor one was worse. I mean why is it soo surprising that they don't want to be shot

  15. Would have been funnier if "crisis actors" won the popular vote but "very fine people" got awarded the trophy anyway.

  16. Tucker Carlson is a joke! Trump wishes his inauguration was big! Charlottesville was wrong! Hahahaha crisis actors, really? Hannitybor Fox and Friends at their finest!
    Hand Trump the trophy! He has to accept it if it's a medal or trophy!

  17. Amazing! The clown got one more, only things he’s been getting lately are bankruptcies and bullshit winner

  18. LOL, I knew the 'Very Fine People' were gonna win the Bullshit prize lmao but I lol'd hard when Roy took that knee xD

  19. I'm going to be that non-German but still very German person and point out it's Goebbels, not Gerbils. #KnowYourNazis

  20. I voted for both of these up until the very end where they had to compete against each other. I ended up choosing the "very fine people" comments from Trump because I think it will be more remembered infamously in American history books, whereas with the Parkland crisis actors conspiracy theories, as atrocious as it was, we had already seen that bullshit with the Sandy Hook shooting and survivors. The President defending literal NAZIS is something not only horrifying, but also a new kind of bullshit. Trump's "both sides, many sides" while never calling out Nazis and the KKK by name should never have occurred, yet tragically did and will forever disgrace our history books.

  21. I knew Trump was gonna win no matter what but I do think the Parkland Crisis Actors Conspiracy was still bigger bullshit

  22. Those last two were really hard to vote for. Good nazis or students at the school being actors. It's a tough call on biggest BS.

  23. Nobody bullshits one of the best soldiers, honorable "Feldmarschall Erwin Rommel" always commited to his duty, and a great role model for his soldiers to be honorable even to their enemies!!!
    But i give you that Hermann Göring was a sadistic asshole, (like Heinrich Himmler), but Rommel was a good person!

  24. "Crisis Actors" was a strong runner-up but had three strikes against it winning:

    1) It was a retread from the Sandy Hook massacre, where it was at it's strongest (and most repugnant);

    2) Trump’s Nazi fellating was out for about a year longer; and

    3) Trump owns so many patents on bullshit that when his tax returns are finally leaked, we shouldn't be surprised to discover Russian oligarchs being overshadowed by cattle ranchers as his sources of income.

  25. I'm glad we've gotten to the point where we can say some forms of shit on cable 🙂 Thank you south park and FX.

  26. Eh … I gotta say, these side segments and the comedians they have doing them, are not funny. I say this as someone who truly enjoys the daily show, both with Stewart and now Noah. But Sam B. has wayyy better side ppl, as does The Opposition. I enjoy their segments, they're hard hitting, relevant, and confront reality, like how Stewart's ppl used to do. These current ones though are lazy and boring

  27. Last years 3rd month mania was about Trump's best tweets. The winner was, "Can you impeach a president for gross incompetence?" It's been a years since then, so I guess the answer is, "no."

  28. America never abolished slavery, though. According to the US constitution, the country still has slavery.

  29. TDS championship is an incredibly ironic name because this news is fake. Trump did not call nazis fine people. He said directly the opposite. He said right after that he wasnt talking about nazis and white supremacists

  30. these disgusting liars prey and breed stupidity. Right after he said the fine people on both sides he then said "and i am not talking about neo-nazi and white supremecists they should be condemned totally" he then went on to say he was talking about the people that simply wanted to protect the historical statue from the rabid mob trying to destroy a historical artifact. You people are disgusting stupid liars.

  31. Will someone tell this talentless dick that the Patriot Prayer group ARE very fine people and were only there to stop counter-protesters from getting violent? Hence…both sides.

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