Top 10 Worst Video Game Consoles

September 16, 2019

They can’t all be winners. Welcome to, and today we’re counting down the Top 10 Worst Video Game Consoles. For the purposes of this list, we’ll be talking specifically about hardware blunders. The Xbox 360’s red ring of death has been covered, um… to death, but the 360 was popular and successful despite these flaws. Nothing you’re going to see on this list came close to that. “Are we gonna see the games, or what? SHOW ME!” Capable of incredibly primitive graphics consisting of squares, this 1975 system was best known for Pong, and the gimmick of placing a plastic overlay over your television. Capable of only creating squares, scorekeeping was up to you. With everyone believing that it only worked with Magnavox televisions, Atari swept in to claim the market. This ancient system would be higher on our list, but we’re cutting it some slack for its age. (Advertiser) “Odyssey: A new dimension for your television. Now at your Magnavox dealer. “He’s listed in the Yellow Pages.” Released in 2005 and on the market for only a single year, this phone console flirted with two things gamers hate: a high price and advertisements. Selling for $400, gamers could choose to pick up a $299 version, which forced them to watch so-called ‘smart ads’. That’s right. You’d be forced to watch advertisements to subsidize the cost. With only eight games released, it fell hard. (Game) “You lose. Continue?” Released in 1993 and discontinued in ’95, this multi-platform console put all of its eggs in the laser disc basket. Yeah, I’ve never seen one of those, either. On top of that, the system couldn’t play certain games without a boatload of expensive extras, in the form of three added modules, bringing the total retail cost to a whopping $2,500. Yeah, you heard me. All that for graphics that were merely on par with other systems and no games to play on it equaled a lot of fail. [Japanese advertisement] “One of the arguments over the future of home computing is, will we add computing power to our television sets, “or will we add TV capability to our personal computers? “Apple is betting that the TV will be the preferred viewing device, with a new approach to home computing called Pippin’.” Are you a die-hard Apple fan hoping that they will release a home console? Well, it turns out that they’ve been there, and done that. In fact, Apple collaborated with Bandai to bring this to the US market in 1996, a market already dominated by Nintendo. Souring the deal further was a $600 price tag. What would justify such a price? Well, features like a web browser, which they didn’t even think was gonna be a hit. “Well, for a small box, it sure does a lot.” (Advertiser) “Presenting 3DO. “The most advanced home gaming system in the universe. “It’s time to put away your toys.” This 1994 console not only distanced itself from the idea of fun, but also retained its staggering $700 retail price until the bitter end. And bitter, it was. CD-ROMs with interactive movies were just too primitive. All in-game action was based on time prompts instead of actual gameplay. Fail. – “Cool.
– (Advertisement) “The Real 3DO system from Panasonic.” Back in 1993 the console wars seemed to have devolved into a pissing contest about who had the most bits and bytes. “Why would I buy a 32-bit system for $300 when I can get a 64-bit Jaguar system for $149?” Focusing more on math than making games, Atari unleashed their supposedly 64-bit system under the ‘Do the math’ slogan, in a marketing campaign that depicted gamers as morons in the process. – “Huh?”
– Doesn’t that make you want to buy? “Can you repeat the question?” Hurt by a lack of software, it failed hard and took the legendary company down with them. Oh yeah, and its controller had way too many buttons. Out of respect for the underdog Sega Dreamcast, we’ve decided to blame its failure entirely on these two add-ons. Codenamed ‘Project Mars’, these pieces of Frankenstein gaming were released between ’92 and ’94, to extend the life of the aging 16-bit Genesis hardware. A poor man’s entry into the 32-bit era, these expansions ended up creating a beast of a console that didn’t perform, costing Sega lots of admiration and tripping them up before the 64-bit race could ever begin. “Pretend it’s a game.” ‘Get out and play’. Well, that was the slogan for this phone console released back in 2003 to tackle the Game Boy Advance, long before anyone ever started rocking smartphones. Resembling some sort of space taco, this one failed in large part to being a phone first and gaming device second. It was unappealing as both, with its tiny screen and miniscule library of games. The final fail was that you could only switch games by taking off the cover and battery. Do you know anyone that bought one? I didn’t think so. This 1991 monstrosity was the result of the perceived desire for a CD-based device with computer-like abilities. If you’re thinking PlayStation, think again. Try ‘educational content’. In terms of games, it featured absolutely unplayable third-party licensed titles featuring Nintendo mascots. It was quickly outdone by existing consoles and the emerging internet, and was likewise betrayed by its lackluster content, unusable controllers and ludicrous intro price of $700. Oh, Philips, Phil Hartman, and… Ugh, we… no, we still don’t get it. “Trust me babe, I know about this CD-i stuff.” Taking the top dishonor is this piece of collectible tech with a concept far ahead of its time. Released in 1995, Nintendo’s pursuit of the third dimension meant sacrificing such basic things as color, non-wireframe 3D graphics, and a proper game library. With gamers forced to submerge themselves into a headgear-bound world of red monochrome, strained eyes and a stiff neck were all that gamers were ever left with. [Japanese advertisement] Agree with our list? Do you have a dent in your bank account from any of these disasters? For more entertaining Top 10s, be sure to subscribe to “That’s all for now. I’m Rich Quattrone, and for (sic) all of us here at Zoom, bye-bye.”

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