this had to happen
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this had to happen

August 17, 2019

*mutters of people talking about food battle* SHUT UP! Merry Christmas! You remembered! Oh my god dude. A watch with a chain strap? You know this kind of strap catches on my hairy hobbit wrists. Well I guess if you’re not gonna wear it you might as well give it to me. Did you give me this just cause you know I’d give it to you. Of course not.. You even got your name enscribed on the back. Moving on! What did you get for me? Merry Christmas *gasps* You remembered! *gasping and slight giggles as Ian tears through the gift* Oh no way! *still giggling* *and more giggling* Uh. It’s a little f******g small! Wha-What are you talking about, it’s the size you always wear? I haven’t worn a size small in, like, 10 years. Yeah, and you looked super good then. Remember? I mean you could always get back down to that weight if you just lost 20, 30… maybe 80 pounds. *Ian seems to come to some realization* Do you get the feeling like we’re, forgetting something this year? Wait, what’s that? *a mystical voice speaks from the shadows* What you forgot is inside *both gasp and start clapping* Spoopy present! *they open the box, and it glows!* What is all this? Pink frosted sprinkled donut? Maybe it’s a clue? Don’t taste like no clue. *the mystical voice is back* There’s one thing you two are forgetting to do this year. And that thing is for you two to.. That. That thing is for us two to do what?! I I don’t know it ends right here! Hey look there’s some letters at the bottom that must’ve fallen off the page. Hm. Alright here we go. What could this mean… huh… and Do fod boattle? Fod boattle? This is complete nonsense! Oh my god dude! The letters are just mixed around you see if you put that right there of course! It’s supposed to be… Do da left boot? Yeah! Do da left boot! *music plays* Do da left boot Do da left boot Do da left boot Alright. We did da left boot. Yeah but, it still feels like we’re forgetting something.. Dosen’t it? Yeah. You know what, there’s no way we’re going to figure out this increasingly complex mystery. We should just give up. *throat clearing* Tequitos, celery, churros, burritos, red hot chili peppers, rainbow lollipops, eggrolls, giant gummy snake, rock candy, and a chocolate coated banana for sale, only 50 cents! Hey. Look at that! It’s all your past favorite foods. Taquitos, celery, churro, burrito, red hot chili pepper, rainbow lollipop, eggroll, giant gummy snake, rock candy, and a chocolate coated banana. Just for 50 cents. Huh, I’ll take 1 of all my past favorite foods. That’s one, taquito, celery, churro, burrito, red hot chili pepper, rainbow lollipop, eggroll, giant gummy snake, rock candy, and a chocolate coated banana. All for just 50 cents please. Thank you. Your change sir. Thank you. Wow. It’s such a coincidence that we got both of our favorite foods today. OH MY GOD. My change was 50 cents! 50 Cent is a rapper that once had a hit song called In Da Club! Clubs are places where people go to party! Once at my birthday party my mom didn’t get me a gift and I was laughed at by all my friends! F.R.I.E.N.D.S is a TV series that was on the air for 10 seasons! Which is the same amount of years we’ve done FOOD BATTLE! OH MY GOD! I’ve only watched 8 seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S I still have 2 seasons left! NO! NO! GODAMNIT! NO! I GIVE YOU GUYS ALL THESE CLUES TO REMIND YOU TO DO FOOD BATTLE. I’M UNEMPLOYED 364 DAYS A YEAR. I WILL NOT LET YOU TAKE MY ONE DAY OF WORK AWAY FROM ME! Ohhhhh. We forgot food battle this year. YES! F**K I may have been knocked unconscious in a house that you burned down to the ground last year, But me and my pink frosted sprinkled donut are gonna take you down! Oh yeah! We’ll see who wins with my secret weapon, my new favorite food, pink frosted sprinkled donut! AHHHH! *boom* HOLY BALLSACK WHAT A CLIFFHANGER YOU BETTER HOLD ON TO THAT SOFT MUSCULAR BUTT BECAUSE FOOD BATTLE 2016 IS COMING NEXT WEEK! CLICK THE BOX ON THE LEFT TO WATCH THE PREVIOUS FOOD BATTLE. AND CLICK THE BOX ON THE RIGHT TO SEE SOME BEHIND THE SCENES FOOTAGE. SEE YA NEXT WEEK FOR FOOD BATTLE!

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  1. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  2. Wait a minute… If they had forgotten Food Battle in 2016, they would've remembered the month January 2017, then we could've gotten FOOD WAR 2016 x 2017!

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