English subs by Fábio Lima
Twitter: @fabiopl Lambda, lambda, lambda, nerds!
Welcome to The Witcher 3 Nerdplayer! Can you believe this? The game wasn’t even released yet,
and it’s here, on Nerdplayer. We were invited by the guys
at CD Projekt Red to go to Poland,
where their studio is located, to visit the studio and play The Witcher 3
before everyone else. It was a very cool event
dedicated to youtubers. It was very nice of them
to embrace the scene. We were one of the few channels
in the world to be invited
to play the game and show you
this gameplay footage first-hand. It’s such an honor for Nerdplayer!
Awesome! When I left,
I was in love with the series. I had only played some
of the second game. I knew little about the series,
but I fell in love with it. The new open-world system
is crazy cool. When I came back to Brazil, I was dying to play it,
but it hasn’t been released yet. Only at the studio. Check it out,
right after our… ABSURDLY SHAMELESS PLUG While The Witcher 3
isn’t available, let’s take a look at
Dead Or Alive 5: Last Round. That’s right,
ladies and gentlemen. It’s the 20th game in the franchise.
That’s a lot of games. Since 1996,
almost 20 years ago. The game has sold
3 million copies worldwide. There are a hell of a lot
of playable characters. It has the 32 characters
of the Ultimate edition, plus four
from the Virtua Fighter series and two new characters: Raidou, Dead Or Alive’s
main boss, and a new female character,
Honoka. Well, it’s Japan. There’s the explanation for that:
Japan. There are
more than 300 costumes, for those who like changing
characters’ clothes, customize your fighters
just the way you like them. More than 300
different costumes. It’s from the same guys
who made Ninja Gaiden. They brought to consoles
a very nice feature: the game runs in 1080p
and 60fps. That’s rare for consoles.
Very good. Dead or Alive 5: Last Round. Buy it from the link below. Now, let’s enter the world
of The Witcher. I can’t take it anymore!
I wanna play it! I wanna play it! Very well, Azaghal!
It’s The Witcher 3! What a thrill! This is our first gameplay video
recorded outside of Brazil. And before
the game’s release, even! There’s Geralt,
relaxing in his tub. Oh hey, no, man!
What the hell! It’s the crab’s revenge. Hey, man, no! He seems to have enjoyed it! So, Geralt is a witcher. He’s a monster hunter who’s been altered with alchemy,
training and whatnot. He hunts monsters.
That’s his thing. He’s been cut out for that. He was born to do it. And he’s Polish. The game is based
on a Polish fantasy book series. The series was a huge hit
in the 80’s and 90’s. And the games were also hits. There it is, the monster! -“We going?” Of course!
-Otherwise, there would be no game. There he is,
with his two swords. One for slaying people,
the other, for monsters. Look at that! Wow, what the hell? -He sent the horse away!
-Yeah, go! Man, that was wicked. The monster is bleeding! He took a hit. Bleeding or pooping? No, it was bleeding
from Geralt’s blow. It got the horse. What the fuck?
It got the horse! Remember that video
with the eagle that got a baby? What the fuck?
It got the horse! People were so shocked
with that! -Oh, he’s hit!
-It’s a Gladiator wound. -A Russell Crowe wound.
-He even looks like him. He just looked
while the horse was eaten? Is that Ringo Starr? He’s a cross between Ringo
and Moe from The Three Stooges. That’s Ringo Starr
who was dying. That’s an RPG adventure.
The peasant’s name’s Ringo. That’s a beautiful village. A beautiful sunset
at the village. You don’t even mind
the smell of manur. That’s the least
of the problems. You’re the only one
to take a bath in that region in a century. Oh look, geese. Look what I’m going to do now. Help! Help! There it is! Would you like
to test my mace? It works! What the hell?! It’s just a hen, mister! Just a fucking hen! I’ll kill all the hens
in the town! This has to be tried
in every game. Let’s see what happens. Who do you think you are? Take this! A woman saw me and ran away.
Take this, hen! Now what? Let’s see what happens. No one came to kill me!
I fucking love this game already. Look at him.
It’s all nice and good! Someone kills a hen and it’s fine.
That’s reality. You don’t send the entire town’s army
to kill a guy who killed a hen. People got hungry
in the Middle Ages. Here, take this! HEN SLAYER Great, witcher! People get shocked,
but this is reality. You see a guy killing a hen,
you respect him. Respect him, alright? Goose! No, no, no, no, no!
Don’t even think about it! Slay the goose! HEN SLAYER
Beautiful, Azaghal! HEN SLAYER You deserve a reward. Geralt,
slayer of hens and geese. -What is that place?
-A tavern. Where adventures begin. I’ll use
my jedi witcher power. See? It’s the Axii Sign. Obi-Wan in your face. There it is. He’s snitching me!
Shut the hell up! Shaddap! That’s right, you better sit down!
I’m the freakin’ Witcher! Get outta here, man! No. You’re the guy
who controls the Witcher. You’re not actually
the Witcher. I’m roleplaying! Here, I’m a bully! Get outta here, man! I won’t hit you again
just because my granny’s nickname was Monster Huntress. This is every nerd’s dream. Look, some bullies. -Oh, man. Now, things are…
-It’s The Joker. -The Joker?
-Check out his tattoos. Check it out! Jedi power! Obi-wan in your face! -Look at that!
-Take that! Fuck, It only worked on one. I’ll have to fight the others. That’s a fight, man! You wanna get hit in the face? Holy shit! That’s right, bro! There’s the other one. He was bummed
by the Jedi mind trick. Now I have a side quest.
I just love side quests. Sometimes I just keep taking
side quests. I like roleplaying
the everyday life in that universe. You don’t have a lot
to look forward to, do you? He’s the village dwarf. They burned down
his workshop. I’ll find the one responsible
for that. That’s my witcher view. I can use it
to see his footprints. What the hell was that? Was that a cosplayer? Was she wearing
one of those anime hats? What? Again? My mind
was just reconfigured. His footprints lead here. Excuse me. Ew, gross! -What?
-Snot! Stay away from me! That’s so disgusting! She has a stuffy nose. What a strange way to clean the floor!
Gross. There’s a guy. You wanna hit me?
Jedi in your face! Screw you, bro! Screw you, bro! That’s so gross! -Let her clean the house!
-Damn, man… I’ve seen you clean your glasses.
It’s not too different from that. -What about my glasses?
-You clean them with your breath! Your breath cotains spit.
It’s the same. Your breath has spit in it. He snitched him
to the soldier. They’ll just kill him
straight away! Holy shit! Holy shit, man! Look, sarcasm! “Villagers’ll really
love you, now”. FUCK THEM Nice one, dwarf! An animal! It’s a wolf. Leave it to me, sir!
I am a monster hunter! They killed it. They killed it. Another wolf! Get the wolf! -Where?
-There, goddamit! But they have
those giant axe things. They’ve already killed it. I didn’t get to do anything! Your help is not needed. But I am a monster hunter! What the hell?
A wolf is not a monster! Let’s hunt a monster,
Azaghal. -It’s the monster!
-The monster, y’all! It’s coming, it’s coming! It fell into our trap! Russell Crowe
also has two swords. That’s because
he’s also a witcher. Let’s go, the two of us! A crossbow.
More like cross-dull. -You got an idiot.
-You’re so dull! Cross-dull. Could be the name
of a dumb politician… There’s a griffon.
Peter Griffin? -What’s with the sheep?
-That’s the bait. Let’s go now,
it’s two against one! Shit! Let’s get’em, Azaghal! Good one!
Your face is on fire now! -You did that?
-Of course, man! Easy, easy, easy… Hold it, hold it. Wait.
I have to think this through. Hit and run. Why are you killing
that wonderful creature? Those wonderful griffons!
It’s a monster,
and I’m a monster hunter! It flew away!
I’ll get my cross-dull. It hit Russell Crowe
right in the face! Let’s go, man. Take it easy, okay? Don’t rush it. Take that, you monster! In your face! He got Russell Crowe! -Get out!
-Shoot! Shoot! It’s coming from the front!
Take that! Holy shit, Azaghal!
Take that, monster! I’d really like to know
why you’re hunting it. What the hell
did it do to you? It’s a monster
that kills people! It kills people?
Or sheep? I remember it killing
a horse. That horse
belonged to someone. It flew away! The horse
belongs to Nature. It’s the colossi thing
all over again. Shut up! The colossi
are minding their own business. And some dude
goes and kills them. They’re not doing
anything wrong! They’re just sleeping. -Shut up!
-But it’s true! Let’s chase him. The griffon
is a wonderful creature. It probably belongs
to Hagrid. There it is!
Come to me, Peter Griffin! Go, griffon! No, no, no, no! The other side! Help!
I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die! Way to go, creature! Son of a bitch! Take this, and this, and this! It’s dying! You take such a pleasure
in doing this! -I was born to do this!
-What, kill exotic animals? You’re like Kraven,
from Spider-Man. I landed a hit, Azaghal!
A hit! Take that!
Victory is mine! That’s outrageous. Now lay down beside it
and take a picture. Like that woman
with the giraffe. GRIFFON -That’s the sword.
Fit for slaying monsters. Perfect for combat. And this is the normal one,
for slaying people. Why not use only one? You’re like those people
who have two cell phones. One is for work
and the other is private. You think I should use
a sword with two SIM cards? One for monsters
and one for people? Jump, horse! I’m not used
to the controls yet. That sword
is for hitting the horse. That sword
is for hitting the horse. This is so cool!
Go, go! He moved aside!
Son of a bitch! You missed it! Nice! Now he’s bathed in blood! Horse, horse! -My God!
-Go get’em! Aren’t you the hunter? Calm down. Where’s your monster sword? It’s telling me to flee!
Flee, my ass! A fast cut.
Tramontina, the best knives. That’s more like it! Flee, my ass! -There are more monsters ahead.
-Really? There’s three of them. Trample over them
with the horse! Now, now, now, you! He’s drowning in the armor! Stop attacking my horse! Cut it open! Holy shit! -Thanks, CD Projekt Red!
-You’re kicking the corpse! There’s a horse’s fear gauge. Yes, there is.
Shoot, I missed it! Horse! Come on, Roach.
Papa Roach. -What’s Papa Roach?
-It’s a band. A band? I knew I’d heard
that name somewhere. -Papa Roach. Is it any good?
-Never heard them. -I’m not into reggae.
-It’s reggae? It’s a reggae band’s name. You think
it’s not a respectable name? For a heavy metal band? It should be more like,
Papa Snake. You think the name
can’t be ridiculous? Something like White Papa.
Or Papa White. Or White Roach. It would be much cooler.
Whitesnake is a cool name. -Whitesnake, okay.
-Got it? Even if the band sucks. So there must be
a cooler name, and the other one
could be like whatever? It’s gotta have a cool name.
Snakes are cool. It’s evil. Whitesnakes
are rare animals. Get it? What’s a “papa”? In Portuguese, it’s either
a Pontiff or a mush. And what’s a roach? A cockroach. -Oh, really?
-Yeah! So it’s a cockroach mush! -I don’t know.
-Or a bash at Catholicism. Catholicism? Over here, over here. Galloping through the town. Hey, that guy is drunk
out of his mind! It’s not even dark
and he’s already like that. Dude… Well, it’s the end
of the afternoon. He’s pretending now. He’s faking it. He turned left.
Let’s see where he’s going. -Let’s see what he’s up to.
-You’re following him?! I like to follow… What?! Are you
some kind of stalker? No! I’m always curious to see
where NPC’s go and what they do. Whoa, man! She’s walking around
in her undies. Come here, let’s talk. “Do you sell
golden shower jewelry?” This is where he’s going? He’s hiding from you,
you stalker! Where the hell is he going? I’d like to follow him,
like in GTA. To see if he goes to work,
and then home… You followed that topless girl.
She ran away and was hit by a car. I’d like to see
where she’s going. What?! She’s topless! I can’t believe it! -Check that out!
-Holy mother of Christ! I think he’ll just
walk around town in circles. Come on! Do something! You know we only have
a few minutes in this room, right? Don’t spend them
following an NPC! -He called me “freak”.
-That’s being nice. Sunflowers. How nice! But they’re facing
the wrong direction. -Those sunflowers are broken.
-Why? They should be facing
the sun! They face the sun?
That’s not possible. -They face the sun.
-It does that all day long? -What the hell are you saying?
-Are you sure? It’s as the name says. It follows the sun. Maybe it does that
during a specific season? No. But that one over there
is correct. -They don’t do it every day.
-Sunflower. It’s not possible for a flower
to do a 180 degree turn every day. -Of course it does!
-That can’t be true. It’s in the sunflower’s nature. And that plant that closes
when you touch it? -Yes, but…
-Sunflowers are the same. I’d have to see it. What? You doubt Nature now? I think it’s a seasonal thing. So it rains and, afterwards,
there’s a rainbow. Do you doubt that too? Let’s kill
the ghost in the well. That horse gets tired fast. -It’s fine.
-Great. Shit. Not everyone
has a slim waist. Horses have wide hips. There’s something
hanging there. It’s a woman. It’s a woman! It’s a woman! Catch the woman! -It’s her.
-She hung herself. Or someone hung her. -We’ll find out.
-I hope she didn’t drink that water. See? He’s doing some CSI. “Wide pelvis”.
I thought he’d said “wild pelvis”. That’d not be a very nice thing
to say about her. Only one person
has a wild pelvis. Sex Machine. -Don’t forget Elvis, The Pelvis.
-Elvis, The Pelvis! That reminds me of that movie
with the kidnapped kids and the teacher. Wow. You remember that? That movie still haunts me. That scene
when they’re stuck in a cave. And then, all of the kids
have to be in their undies. That must have been
really embarrassing. -Do you know what I’m saying?
-No. It was a crazy class.
There were kindergarten kids as well as college students.
Something like that. Of all scenes from the movie,
that was the one that got me freaked out. God, what a terrible situation! The fact is, they were being chased
by serial killers wearing rubber rat masks
or something. They were youtubers! They were kidnapped
by masked youtubers! There was Rubber Rat,
Happy, Grumpy… -Grumpy!
-Crazy bastards! -I’m gonna die!
-There’s the drama! Besides the embarrassment,
there’s the lack of oxygen! What a situation! Breathless, embarrassed,
and chased by serial killers. It’s an agonizing movie! Now I’ve found your weak spot! Girl, your time here is over. I’ll burn everything
that’d keeping her here. -Here we go.
-It’s a spirit! Now we’re screwed. It’s that statue outside! Oh, right! It’s as the proverb says:
“The tongue is the body’s whip”. What the fuck
are you talking about? Go French-kiss the ghost! That’s what that spirit wants! Oh God! He did say the woman
had a wide pelvis. No, a white pelvis. White pelvis?! He said “white”…
Or was it “wide”? Oh right, he said “wide”. “White pelvis”?!
What the hell is that? -I don’t know!
-What did you think it was? -“White pelvis”!
-I don’t know, man. You’re taking a beating!
Draw the sword, dammit! How could her mouth
hold such a huge tongue? Her teeth would be
all crooked. Easy does it. I can’t do anything! -I need to switch swords.
-Where’s your spirit sword? Finally I can do her
some damage. -Roll and stab.
-What? Roll and stab her
in the back. Now you’re gonna get hurt! It goes right through me! In RPG’s, ghosts
makes you old. Oh, I can tell. He’s taken one too many ghosts
to the face. His body
is just like his face. I’m gonna die for sure. You need to go to the corpse. Exorcise her.
“This body does not belong to thee.” Come, come, come. Come here, monster! Shit! Now, Magic Shield! No, Protective Trap. -Now, come here!
-There’s a green flame over there. So, what did you do? It’s more vulnerable now. She fled again! There she is! -Fuck, no!
-Take that, Jovem Nerd! I’m outta here!
Don’t wanna! Get on the horse! Bye!
That mystery is unsolvable! Fuck it.
Let him run. Run like a faggot. Every two hours
Can’t put it off A monster eats for one
And works out for two At the beach, we shine
The girls look amazed Let’s have a date
I’m ready for anything My legs are huge