The Power Glove – Angry Video Game Nerd – Episode 14
Articles Blog

The Power Glove – Angry Video Game Nerd – Episode 14

August 22, 2019


♪ He’s gonna take you back to the past ♪ ♪ To play the shitty games that sucks ass ♪ ♪ He’d rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear ♪ ♪ He rather eat the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer ♪ ♪ He’s the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard ♪ ♪ He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd ♪ ♪ He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd… ♪ “I love the Power Glove. It’s so bad!” (words of Lucas from The Wizard) And I mean *bad*! This thing is bad. Why need a glove to play a game? What’s wrong with this? Huh? I dunno. I thought this was okay. Playin’ it, y’know, with the controller. So, if anything, The Power Glove, it’s an interesting experiment in gaming technology.(Ya no shit) But too bad they were just fuckin’ jerkin’ off! Like, why does it suck so bad? Well, I have one complaint, one fuckin’ complaint about this glove: it doesn’t work. Now, what’s the most important aspect about any game? Well… bein’ able to fuckin’ play it! Now… before you can even begin to get this fuckin’ piece of shit to work, you have to put these three sensors on your TV like this. Fuck! Piece of shit! Fuck! Now, if you own The Power Glove, you’re gonna need to know what the program codes are. Yes, that’s right, you have to put in a different code for each game that you play. So, go on the Internet, get a whole buncha fuckin’ codes for all the fuckin’ games… …and whenever you’re playin’ a fuckin’ game, you gotta punch in the code. Fuck…! *Power Glove Sensor falls off* *The Nerd tapes it on*
*With Pre-Time Flextape* All right, “Super Glove Ball”. Well… the game is basically you’re just this glove and you’re goin’ around grabbin’ balls. Grab the flyin’ fish. Grab ’em, grab ’em. I don’t get it… That’s it, I can’t fuckin’ take it anymore. I’m sorry. I’m gonna show you different games on the Power Glove. (Its Metroid.) To shoot, I just squeeze my fingers… Damn! Fuck… Go up! Go up! Go up! I can’t get the fuck up there. Goddammit! (Showcasing Double Dragon) It’s easier to do a handstand while takin’ a shit. How do I attack? Somehow I kicked, but I don’t really know how I did it. (Its a Pacifist Route Nerd) I’m gettin’ my ass kicked! Damn, come on. Get him, get him, punch him. Aw, fuck! I can’t pass the first screen in “Double Dragon”! Dammit. Just… might as well just use the fuckin’ controller. Piece of crap… What’s the point of this? “Castlevania”. Twitching my finger like this, I swing the whip. Come on. Oh yeah, there we go. How do I jump? How the fuck do I jump? Is that it? Squeezing? Does that jump? Can I get up the stairs? Can I get up the fuckin’ stairs? Fuck! How do I get up the fuckin’ stairs? Oh, just jump. Can I do a nice jump over this? C’mon, do it! Jump! Yeah, there we go! We jumped. It’s awesome. It’s really exciting when you actually get something to work. C’mon, go down. There we go. No, don’t go that way, go this way! You asshole, come on… C’mon, go down…don’t go up the steps, go down the steps. Don’t go up the steps, go down! Don’t go up the fuckin’ steps, go down you… Aw, how the fuck am I goin’ up there again…? C’mon! Oh, Jesus… Jumpin’ all over the place. I didn’t even know you could jump backwards. C’mon….Aw, you fuckin’ fishman. (Merman, but whatevs.) Oh, good luck! I’m gonna fall in the water and die. Fuck! Wow, this sucks. This sucks hard… C’mon! Now, jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Ooh! Oh wow, that helped. Okay, keep going…Oh! Aw, fuck… “Castlevania 2: Simon’s Quest”… There’s only one way to do this game with The Power Glove… (Punch!) (Showcasing “Kung Fu Heroes”.) So, while it’s not very responsive, I can go up and I can go down and left and right. But, everything else like the punching and kicking just seems to come at… random. (“Bubble Bobble”) (Fail montage) If you’re tryin’ to pop the bubbles, good luck. Sucks monkey fuck! Sucks monkey fuck! (“LifeForce”) Down. Go down. C’mon… Down! Down! Go the fuck down! Down! Go down! Left. Go back. C’mon, go back! Go left! Go left! I can’t shoot anybody over there! Go back! Go up! Oh. Oh, Jesus! Come- Okay. Oh, fuck! Go! Dammit! Fuck-a-doodle shit. (“Jackal”) “This battle will make your blood boil. Good luck!” “Good luck” is right. I’m usin’ the fuckin’ Power Glove! I can’t even line myself up to shoot this fuckin’ tank up here. Go up, shoot the tank! Dammit. Shoot the tank. Shoot the tank! I think I got it… I can’t get around the rock! Goddammit, move! Up, left, left… C’mon, left! Left, you can go left. C’mon, up… Left… Up… Ugh… I can’t even get around the trees. Oh yeah, there we go. There we go. Oh yeah, we’re movin’ on. We’re movin’ on. Okay… Oh, God! No…! Shit. (“Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link”) The big problems is that I can’t either stop jumping or stop ducking. All right, well do I wanna really bother to talk to him? Yeah, not really. No, I don’t. Come on, I really…I was… I’m serious, I don’t wanna talk to you. Go! Leave the fu… Leave the fuckin’ cabin or house or whatever the fuck it is… C’mon, keep walking… Well, there we go. I don’t really mean to go in there… All right, leave. All right, leave the house. Go left, go left… C’mon, go left. Aw, you f- I’m in the house again! I don’t wanna… fuck! Get the fuck outta the house! Get up, go away… All right, left. Oh, there we go… Jesus Christ, why am I shooting the sword? (“R.C. Pro Am”) All right, here we go! We got this, man! We got this by the ass! (Quoting Dawn of the Dead (1978)) (“Rad Racer”) You know what’s really cool about “Rad Racer”? If you push select, the game goes 3D. I’m playing Rad Racer with The Power Glove and 3D glasses. You can’t get any more rad than that! (That game again, James?) Wow… playing “Top Gun” with The Power Glove… It’s like pukin’ on a pile of shit. (Six and a half years later…) Oh my God, what the fuck am I doing? I’m tryin’ to land the plane in “Top Gun” with The Power Glove? I can’t even land it with the regular controller. (He actually landed the plane on Top Gun WITH the Power Glove?!) (That theme from “Punch-Out!!” With a montage of The Nerd trying different games.) Punch Out!! All right, well I don’t know how to fuckin’ dodge. That’s really a problem. Punching seems to work somewhat. Fuck… Oh, goddamn. Oh, shit. I lost to Glass Joe. I lost… …to Glass Joe. (Try telling that to Nick Bruiser.) Try doin’ the Contra code with this fuckin’ thing! I shoot by twitching my finger. Jump by clenching my fist. Yeah yeah, there we go. There we go. All right, c’mon now. Oh God, get him. Get him, get him, get him! Oh, fuck…! You piece of shit! If you wanna bring a totally new element of challenge to your Nintendo games, try the Power Glove, ’cause it sure makes everything a lot harder. It’s just a barely functional contraption designed to rip off little kids. It’s the biggest scam since the Atari 5200 controller. The only kids who own this were usually the richer ones who thought they were cool. Well, they’re not cool. *I’m* not cool, either. Look at me. You think I’m cool? I got a fuckin’ glove on my hand. I’m tryin’ to play a fuckin’ game with it. I look like an idiot with a fistful of shit. (mimics gunshots) Well, hey. Let’s end with the classic “Super Mario Bros.”. All right, Mario. You don’t have to keep jumping. At least you made it over the Goomba. You were lucky, you fuck. All right… What? C’mon, I can’t get up on the pipe? I’m not even doing anything… I’m touching the fucking floor right now. I am touching the floor and I can’t get him to stop jumping. Get over the pipe, ya fuckin’ asshole. Oh, I can’t get over the pipe… Oh, this is… Oh, yeah… Oh, fuck… C’mon! Oh, ye-heah! Oh, no! Don’t! C’mon! Oh, shit! Oh-hoh, you fuck…! “Now you’re playing with power!”? Now you’re playin’ with fuckin’ shit! You’re better off fuckin’ shit than fuckin’ with this fucked up shit! Fuck this shit! You don’t know shit about it how fuckin’ shitty this fuckin’ shit is. It’s so bad, it sucks. It’s so fuckin’ suck, it fucks! And I… can’t take it any more. (Caption cleanup by KimonoFlareonGX)

Only registered users can comment.

  1. You know, the nostalgia critic has an interesting theory. That this guy is Jimmy from the movie “The Wizard” all grown up. There might be some truth to it.

  2. "its so fucking suck it fucks"

    i wanted to make that my senior quote but i don't think they would've allowed that

  3. The accessory everybody wanted until they had it. The commercials made it look so easy to use but half an hour or less into trying to operate this POS you realize that either you or your parents just wasted their money

  4. Scarlett Witch: (sees the nerd) You took everything away from me!

    Nerd: I don't even know who the fuck you are!

    Scarlett Witch: You're about to..!

  5. Hadn’t watched any of these in like 8 years and still new every line of the intro song as soon as it came on lol. Timeless classics

  6. Something that always bugs me about this video is when he's playing Jackal and refers to an enemy as a tank. It's not a tank, it's a gun turret. There are enemy tanks later in the game and they move around. Can't you tell???

  7. Playing Super Metroid on SNES was crazy, without a strategy guide or better map, i was always stuck at a certain point and couldn't move on any further, and just wondered,??…how the fuck big is this place!? =)

  8. Бля просто орал,но все же интересный эксперимент с этим power glove

  9. Correct me if in wrong but when you played with the power glove you had to use restricted movements and sit just below the top sensor. When swinging up you couldn't pass the top center too far.

  10. lol. Jakal. lol I remember that game. Lol. Wow! And the music. Used to love that game. lol. And rad racer. lol. And top gun. Lol. Punch out. 🥊 ha. Contra. Lol.

  11. The intangible elements really make this video. The scrappy quality to the filming, the old TV, the room that feels somehow familiar, the marathoning through games to try out the new accessory. The feeling I would use wouldn't be "angry" but warm and inviting.

  12. Wow, 2006. I think I started watching the Nerd in 2008. The best part was top gun. I remember the pain of the landing

  13. This must be how my kids feel watchin me play. Fuck!!!! Fuck!!! Why the fuck did they make it like that!!! Fuckkk!!!! Stupid .. fuck!!!!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *