The Ghost of Christmas Presents | The Paranormal Action Squad | Episode 5
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The Ghost of Christmas Presents | The Paranormal Action Squad | Episode 5

August 27, 2019

Now, this is some
real man shit.
Trudging around
the woods. Wearing flannel.
Smelling like a wet skunk
and peeing in the snow. Your penis penmanship
is on point. But this trip
isn’t about yellow snow. Today is about finding
the perfect Christmas tree. And there she is.It’s perfect.♪ Joy to the world ♪ ♪ Our tree is found. ♪ Paul, are you…
are you crying? Yes, Christmas tears.
This is it. A living reminder that this season
is all about joy, peace, love and… holy–shit ( roars ) Ahh! Ahh!! Mother fudge maker!
It’s possessed. Go for the heart. Got your nose. Christmas must be destroyed. Eddie, wow!
Double-wow! You just took out
a Muckus demon. Yeah, that Muckus
tried to ( bleep ) us. It was a rare, pre-Germanic
descendant of the Krampus who thrive
on destroying Christmas. Well, it ain’t got shit
on this mountain, man. Now, come help me
with this sweet little lady. I think I’m gonna name her
Miss Happy Time Pretty Tree. – What the hell?
– Holy smell of Santa! That was
the Christmas spirit. Paul:
This is it.
The official
start to Christmas. And the official end. Aw, rag-dabbit
the lights don’t work. Don’t get your
Christmas panties
in a bind, Paul. I got this. Hmm… gets me dizzy.
Not in a good way. Nifty Christmas
move, Orb. Christmas is
all about family. And I like to think
that we are all family. Your calculation
is correct. We all are family. Okay, so, listen up. I am so excited
about my gift this year. I– I just can’t wait
till Christmas morning. This is for all of us. Eddie, I want you
to have the honors. Turn it on.
Go ahead. ( button clicks ) ( whistling )
A T1 Cyber-tonic. Aww! Cy can process 8 teraflops
per second. Scan for paranormal entities
in an 80-mile radius. Cyber-tonic T1. 07946590
at your service. Think about it, Pad.A computer that will take some
of pressure off of your job.
Yeah, whatever. You’re Paul.
Book smart intellectual, insatiably curious,
a flare for science, possible Nobel recipient
and flawless taste
in waist wallets. – Wow, thanks.
– Edward? Strong, cunning,
a man to be reckoned with. I shall nickname
you “The Deli” because you’ve been known
to serve quite a few…
knuckle sandwiches. Hey, this thing’s
pretty sharp. Orb, and a model. As old as time itself,
doesn’t look a day over 25.
Beautiful. Nice.
Do you have hands? Wow. Pad.
Paranormal Alien Detector? I heard that these antiques
were around but to actually
see one in the field. Age distinction
does not disqualify… “Age distinction
does not disqualify…” That’s adorable. Her voice technology
is so outdated. It’s positively
pre-historic. She’s like a T-Rex. Running scan.
Immediate area… ( stutters )
is detecting… Bu– Bu– Buffering.Need more data.Pad, you are
positively useless. It’s the tree.
Everybody, down. ( crackling, buzzing ) God damn it! The tree is possessed
by the Muckus demon. – A pre-Germanic pagan…
– Pagan descendent
of the Krampus. Correct, Paul.
It wants to destroy anything that represents
the Christmas spirit. ( sighs )
Germans! Nothing changes. It’s the tree.
The tree, the tree. Thank you, “queen
of stating the obvious.” The Muckus demon finds
its power and strength by absorbing electricity. Its hunger of power
is insatiable. And its destructive
capabilities are limitless. Rally up, boys,
I will lead you
to your victory against
the Christmas beast. – What’s next?
– What’s your plan, handsome? Eddie:
What do we do?
Oh, shit.
Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! Move! Move!
Let’s go! Giant Christmas tree?
This is serious shit. You’re gonna need
all hands. Not now, Vanoss. And please remove
your face from my lap. Vanoss,
superhero wannabe. Lacking necessary
skills and abilities to be a true vigilante. This guy sucks.
Where’s Pad? Doesn’t matter.
We got our boy, Cy. Let’s go, go, go! Please, wait up. I can’t believe those
dipshits left me. My Christmas wish
came true. I’m on the team. Yeah, let’s do this! – Nope. You’re not.
– You’re not. ( all singing )
♪ Hark the herald,
angels sing. ♪ It’s alive. It’s a Christmas miracle. Ya, Christmas must die. Hells bells!
It’s a real war
on Christmas. And holy shit.
The entire town is nothing
but Christmas. Must destroy the shit
out of Christmas. Need more power! Wait, what’s happening? My coordinates indicate
that the demon tree is heading south
towards downtown. – Right for the power station.
– Paul: The power station. Of course, it’s seeking
a higher power source. Rag-dabbit!
Let’s get on it. Need more power! Oh, yeah!
This is good. – Is it–
– ( bleep ) the transformer? It is. Yes, it is.Dasis really good.
Juice me, baby. Come on, juice me. Oh,dasis good! It’s humping for power. Watch out,
it’s gonna blow. Ahem, a little privacy, ya? What’s happening?
Cy. Assessment. As long as he’s
pumping for power, there’s no limit
to his size. I am not programmed
to deal with disastrous
events like this. So as we say
in England,adiós!Unbelievable. I told you
that guy sucked. Let’s go figure out how to
shutdown that power grid. This power’s
making me so big. Oh, ya, get ready, ya!I’m gonna ( bleep ) up
some Christmas, ya!
Guys, over here.( Christmas tree
muttering )
The main power source.
must get shorted out. – Not me.
– Not it. No, sir.
I’m not doing that. Make it grow.
Make it grow. Hurry.
Before it shoots again. Holy shit!
I got close enough
to that psycho perv to do a future tap. Here’s what he’s thinking. Yeah, that’ll blow
the piss out of Christmas. Oh, boy. There’s no
getting around it. One of us has
to sacrifice themselves. Who’s going in
and shutting down
this panel? Christmas Tree:
…destroy the shit
out of Christmas.
Step aside. Pad, you’re here. Too much power! What’s happening? Oh, she’s creating
a power surge. She’s killing it. Too much power. Timber! Pad, you did it.
You killed the demon. Pad? She’s gone? No. Sweet Pad. Reliable. Yet, flawed. She was one
of the great ones. She was one of us. Ah, you’re one team
member down now, so… What? Too soon? Orb, I know
it’s a long shot but could you try another
electro-regeneration to save Pad? Really? I had
like three eggnogs
on the way here. But I’ll try. God damn it,
I’m only doing this because I love you, Pad. ( sighs )
I’m sorry, I couldn’t do it. And I’m gonna spew eggnog
all over my orb. Everyone of you
suck ass. Except Orb. Thank you
for ramming my insides. That was the jolt
I needed. Don’t mention it.
( retches ) All of you can bite
my big black power chord. You discarded me like a pair
of Dre headphones for that flying
tea-bagger. If you’re saying
that we’re a bag of dorks
for discarding you, well then,
guilty as charged. We’ll do whatever
it takes to make
it up to you. ( grunting ) What is all this stuff? T1 cyber-tonic
downgrade, approved. Yeah, that’s the stuff.
Put your backs into it. Paul, you were right.
Christmas is about
being together. And breaking shit. It certainly is, Eddie. Merry Christmas, everyone! All:
Merry Christmas! This is the best
Christmas ever!( music plays )

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