The Cleveland Browns Actually Signed Kareem Hunt – The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project
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The Cleveland Browns Actually Signed Kareem Hunt – The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project

December 15, 2019


– The Cleveland Browns this
week signed Kareem Hunt, the former Kansas City
Chief who was released during last season
when a video came out of him assaulting a woman. – This is big news. This is big news
for Cleveland fans, and for football in general. You know what I mean? ‘Cause Cleveland has really, really upgraded at
the kicker position. You know, Janikowski
was the number one guy. Vinatieri was the number
one guy for a while. And then they’ve
kind of faded out. Janikowski might never
play a game again. Vinatieri’s doing one last
season, then he’s gone. But now the best
kicker in the league, I think it’s Kareem
Hunt once he gets back. – Right, well, there’s
a suspension looming. – Sure. – He’s supposed to miss the
beginning of the season. So, how does this
play out, you know, with their current
kicker Greg Joseph? – I think Joseph’s gone. – But who’s gonna kick
early in the season? – They’re gonna go for two, there gonna be going
for it on fourth down. Because once Kareem
gets in there, I don’t know how much
a football weighs, but it weighs less than
a 21 year old girl. (laughs) So, I think he could go from 60. I think in a dome,
he could go from 70. And really knock that. They might change the rules
on how field goals work. They might move the posts
back, make it thinner. Because Kareem Hunt is
gonna be kicking the bejesus out of more than just women. When he gets back on the field
for the Cleveland Browns. I don’t know, he
could change the game. It’s gonna be touch back city. – You watch the
FC North closely. Any concern, you know
that the windy conditions, like not an easy place to kick Cleveland,
Pittsburgh, Baltimore. Am I worried about him, like missing from the
right or the left? I don’t know if
you’ve seen his aim. But he, I mean as long as
the ball’s on the floor, like that girl was. Then what’s the problem? Okay, I don’t care which
way the wind is blowing. He’s gonna kick it. He’s gonna kick it. I think he might,
honestly he could be the highest scorer in the
league next year, no doubt. – Even after missing
a chunk of the season. People think he might miss,
you know six to eight games, which is why there
was a lot of surprise, about the timing of this. Like, not only
are you giving him a spot back in the
league so quickly. And, okay second
chances yada yada. But they were like, The Browns
were essentially racing, to get him signed before
any other team could do it. They didn’t wait, they
didn’t do anything. – I know you look at people
compared to Ray Rice. You know, Ray Rice just
slapped his wife unconscious. He didn’t reveal a
new set of skills. (laughs) You know Kareem Hunt
as a running back, I don’t know, I don’t
know if you put him back in the league
after what he did. But when you add that
he’s like, likes to kick, and is a tremendous kicker. I don’t know how
you don’t do that. I think if like, honestly if
Kareem Hunt was on the peanuts, and Lucy put the ball down, (laughing) he’s kicking them both
through the uprights. Alright we’ve got one more
headline Greg and this one, not as like much fun and
(speaks foreign language) as the last one. (laughing) I’m sure I’m pronouncing
that incorrectly. (speaks in foreign language)
I don’t even know what it means but I know I said
it right the second time. What’s our last
headline of the day? – Our last headline comes from
Harlem, where a New York man is facing charges of criminal
mischief after breaking a store front window
with a cinder block to attack a Barack
Obama mannequin. – Mmhmm and here’s my
favorite part of the story. Greg, what’s the name of
the lingerie shop in Harlem? – Romantic Depot. – Yes. – That’s your favorite part? – Yes. – There’s so many
parts to this story. – When I saw Romantic Depot,
I was like this is hilarious. This guy is just walking by and
Obama has not been President for quite some time but he is
also, he’s been not President long enough that you can
make a sexy mannequin of him. That barely looks like him
and drape it in lingerie. And stick it in Romantic Depot
and this guy wasn’t gonna put up with that, that
in your face politics. That he had to break the window, and gave the Obama mannequin
a bit of a beating. So much so that a crowd formed and tried to kick him,
’cause they were so upset. And people were like,
pro-Obama people, were fighting this guy. I was like, I think if you
just saw a guy smash a window with a cinder block
on the street. And start tearing up
your neighborhood, that you would
fight him for that. I’m sure people weren’t like
see that torso of a mannequin on the street, that’s Obama. – Right, especially I
really like that they talked about kind of a crowd
of pro-Obama people
surrounding him. It’s like, what is a
crowd of pro-Obama people. What are they like, really like, cool and calculated
and rational. – Yeah, there’s like
an alarm that goes off. And people are just
like oh my God (mumbles) of Obama in lingerie
is being kicked around. We’ve got to go do something. – Yeah they’re like, you
know in honor of Obama, they like calmly
assess the situation. And then make
practical decisions on what they are gonna do next. – Mmhmm, mmhmm, yeah,
people were upset. – But it didn’t look
anything like Obama, it looked like a
25 year old guy, like who, you know, is going
out clubbing in Chelsea. The mannequin. – It kind of reminds me
have you guys ever seen, you’re probably too young. Have you guys ever seen
the move Mannequin? – Yes. – I don’t think so. – I think I’ve seen
it multiple times. – It’s a movie Kim Cattrall
plays the mannequin. Who plays the guy, it’s
one of the brat pack dudes? Andrew McCarthy? – Yes. – Andrew McCarthy plays the
guy, he’s walking by a store and Kim Cattrell is a mannequin
and she comes to life. And he smashes the window
with a cinder block, drags her out on the street
and kicks the hell out of her. And then a mob of Kim Cattrell
fans come, and stop him. It’s a great movie,
Mannequin 2 is not as good, but Mannequin one is. – There really
was a Mannequin 2? – Yeah. – Who would have thunk it? – Well ’cause Mannequin
I think was rated R, and Mannequin 2 was PG-13. – Wow, you know everything. – I used to watch it all the
time on HBO when I was a kid. – It was one of those movies
that was on all the time, and I watched a
lot, well I liked, you know for a little more
context there was an Obama mannequin next to like
a Trump mannequin, and this guy who threw
the cinder block, and there is video
of the entire thing. It looks like he just
kinda walks by, sees it, and then like gets really angry
and then there just happens to be a cinder block
like five feet away. That he goes picks up and
throws through the window. He said he’s a pro
Trump guy, and he thinks Obama ruined the country
but my favorite detail was he said he was hearing the
Obama mannequin speak to him. And he didn’t like
what Obama was saying. – Was the Trump mannequin
speaking to him too? They were having a conversation, and he just like interrupted? – I think the Obama
mannequin was speaking to the guy walking
by, kinda like you’re in the wrong part
of town buddy or something. What do you think the Obama
mannequin was saying to him? – He’s probably like,
you can’t afford this lingerie that I’m wearing. (laughing) You know what I mean
he’s probably like, hey I bet you like this
but you’ll never have it. (laughs) I’m married to Michelle
and he just lost it. Like what kind of lingerie were either one of those
mannequins wearing? Trump or Obama, like what
were they silk boxers? Or were they totally done
up, wearing bras and panties, at Romantic Depot? ‘Cause if you’ve ever been
to Romantic Depot in Harlem, I mean all shapes and sizes,
they can cover everything. I would say go to Victoria
Secret if you wanna, if you wanna fight
Obama in lingerie. – I like that the store manager
at the end of the article, as an aside was like, she believes the assailant
was mentally ill. I was like you think? – Yeah. – You think the guy who thought, the Obama lingerie
was talking to him, you think he’s a
little, he’s in trouble? – Listen, I’ve walked
by lingerie mannequins I thought were talking to
me, but I kept walking. You know what I mean, you
don’t have to break the window. And where did he find
the cinder block? – That’s part of the
amazing thing of the video. He walks by, he sees
it, he kicks at Obama. And then he walks like two more
steps, and just to his left, he sees like a little fence,
he pushes it to the side, picks up a cinder block, that just happens
to be sitting there, and throws it through the
window like just was there. – We’re gonna end on this,
this is great because this guy takes a cinder block,
smashes a store front window, pulls out a mannequin of Obama. Which, I don’t even know they
make those, pulls it out, beats it up, how much is he
charged, what’s the damages? – Somewhere between
250 and $1,000. (laughs) – When I saw $250
I was like man, Romantic Depot has got
to get it together. Maybe they just have
great insurance, on their Obama mannequin. But like, you would
think that’s like, that’s not a lot of money. If you were like Anthony
you could smash this window for 250, I would smash
every window I walked by.

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  1. This is cringe AF… we get that he kicked a girl. He clearly plays running back. Thanks for wasting everyone’s time with this weak ass joke.

  2. Shit jokes soumd like a whiny liberal. Maybe those poor young girls were actually high class prost came by his real girl showed up. He tried to have his boys quietly get rid of them. While he was attempting to delete the dirty picks she had for black mail on her phone. Cause some chicks do that. She refused to leave blew up his spot. Threatened to out him to his girl. Press fake charged or metoo him. He wemt thru the roof. His boys tried to stop him. Then after photos where deleted. They gave her her phone. An his boys tried to quietly get rid of her. Not knowing that an employee was going to sell the tape for $100,000 grand to TMZ. And now the dude cant play football for a year and a half. All over a 3way that went bad with a high class hook…

  3. WTF is this?!
    Jeselnik disappears for years, only to reemerge with a beard as an NFL spousal assault expert?
    Did he climb Everest and meet with a wife beating guru?
    Will he be a regular on Barstool?
    These are the questions of our time.

  4. I like how calmly and succinctly Obama took us from bombing 3 middle eastern countries to 7. That was super chill of him.

  5. The only reason the Browns signed Kareem was to make sure that Pittsburgh or Baltimore couldn't.
    It's a win win for the Browns and maybe they can straighten his ass out.

  6. I feel like this dude is trying to be funny but he’s just saying the same thing over and over again. The situations fucked but you got to give the man a second chance, he admitted himself he fucked up. Just listen to Shannon Sharpes argument.

  7. Shut the fuck up bro your racists ass probably don’t even know this whole shit calling him a kicker the woman instigated this whole shit now shut the fuck up and get shit right bitch ??

  8. jeselnik is one of the most underrated comics in the game today! regardless of your politics, he takes dark subjects and makes you laugh, just because. top 5 comic of the his generation for sure, maybe ever.

  9. To be fair, the pro Obama crowd are the brick throwers…….fueled entirely by emotion, lies, and HRT.

  10. ESPN must watch Jeselnik on some of these vids and think, Damn, this is what we wanted Dennis Miller on MNF commentary to be.

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