The Champions Extra: The Best of Christian Pulisic
Articles Blog

The Champions Extra: The Best of Christian Pulisic

February 13, 2020


– I am so pumped to join Chelsea because I was in danger of actually winning things at Dortmund, and that would go against everything the U.S. men’s national team believes in. Bayern Munich Oktoberfest. Ooh. – Absolutely nicht. – Aw! First, the World Cup. Now this!? I don’t get to go to anything fun. – And then there was that 2005 Champions League semi-final against Chelsea. What’s the matter, Lampard? You look like you’ve seen a ghost! – Urgh! Liverpool. Such bloody wankers, am I right? – Dis party is for dummkopfs. – Marco, please! They have a chocolate fountain…just like home. – As your captain, I say NEIN! – He has a chocolate fountain…in his home? – Yes, I’m from Hershey. It’s weird there. – Oh, thank goodness! There you are! My precious little Yankee boy! – Hey zer! – Oh, hi. – You’re ze American kid for Dortmund, right? Chris? – Christian, yeah. – Oh, cool, cool. I’m Jerome. Zis is Thomas. – Oh, please. You can just call me Raumdeuter. – Guten tag! Any of you Englanders want some schweinekrusten? So what’s, like, your favorite thing about the Bundesliga? – I mean, if I’m being honest, I don’t really consider us in ze Bundesliga. – What!? – Yeah…we’re sort of like PSG in Ligue 1. Or Justin Timberlake in NSYNC. – Let’s just say if ze Bundesliga is Baywatch, we’re David Hasselhoff. – He doesn’t know David Hasselhoff. You know why? Because he’s only 20 years old, YOU BAVARIAN CREEPS! – I thought to be accepted at Chelsea, I’d have to do all these British things. It turns out, all I had to do was score a bunch of goals. – I will now investigate the space. – Hey, talk about the Mueller investigation, am I right? This Halloween, I dressed up as a real Premier League man. Hat-trick or treat! So I was sort of hoping that since I am leaving, I wouldn’t have to join Dortmund on stage. Let’s just say the German performances can get pretty out there. – You like our yellow wall. Now, face our wall of noise. WALL OF NOISE!! – You can’t be talking to zem. Zey are all jerks. – You’re not my dad. You’re just bitter because they never wanted you. Germany definitely changed me. But now, I’m in the Premier League so I’m trying to make an effort to understand British culture, innit. So what the heck is up with this Brexit thing? – Christian, stop talking.

Only registered users can comment.

  1. Me: Mom i want a new The Champions season!
    Mom: No, we have a new The Champions season at home
    A new The Champions Season at home:

  2. The Yankee boy!
    To young to know who David Hasselhoff is, you Bavarian creeps! And he also doesn't understand the Brexit thing… 😂

  3. “I was endangered at winning things at Dortmund…Which would go against everything the U.S men’s national team believes in!” 🤣🤣🤣

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *