Jaiden: In the skies above Peach’s castle – you’re missing the dialogue! James: We’re missing the sToRy, well actually… Jaiden: You’re missing BOWSER. James: You’re- We’re gonna be- we’re gonna be skipping a lot of this story. Jaiden: Why?? It’s important to the speedrun. Adam: The intricate.. uhm.. stealing of the princesses. Jaiden: Skip the movie? James: Oh yeah B) Jaiden: Fine>:( *mumble* I guess James: You don’t need to know the story. I think- do we need to say “hello everyone, welcome” Jaiden: They know what they’re getting themselves into (and what I’m getting into captioning this) James: You’re right, you’re right, pull up some popcorn. do we need to explain what a speedrun is? Adam: Uh… speedrunning is when you run really fast… in the game. Jamison, You know all the skips right? James: Uuuhhh I’m- Yeah, I know the skips, but I don’t know the routes. Jaiden: Have you tried throwing him, that’s what he said James: oh no! Jaiden: uh oh. start over! Jaiden: :O Birds with hats!! James: oh no! No! I can save it! YEs James: Only the best. like I said get ready for- for quite a ride Jaiden: frog. oh look at him! Adam: Just skip it! Adam: Speedrunners way James: Did you know you can shake the controller to make them go higher? Jaiden: oh rlly Jaiden: just like real physics James: a large part of the game is shaking the controller as hard as you can Adam: Right now James is frantically shaking the controller James: No nOo uhuh! Adam: C’mOn! Jaiden: can’t be making those mistakes james, the world record is at stake Jaiden: oh! yea B) James: Got it Adam: Watching James play any videogame is the most frustrating thing in the world, so get ready to be very angry James: UHM I’ll have you know, that I I know like all the skips Adam: (w/ skepticism) Okay Jaiden: you missed some coins, go back! James: it’s the speedrunners way Adam: Wait I wanna I want to beat that James: okay, you can do it. I’m- this is Adam playing by the way so *Adam playing noises* Jaiden: cartwheel! you cartwheeled Adam: (casually) oh I went inside of a hat Adam: Those away- Oh yeah. James: Yeah you can you can hit him right at the very beginning Adam: there was a uh, there was uh oh yeah you are right Adam: There was a way we can end this faster, but I forgot how to do it James: jump, jump Adam: I’m here!! Jaiden: by not fighting ☮ James: and time! James: it’s- we’re done. Jaiden: are you gonna tell them the restraint that you guys have on the computer. James: What do you mean? Oh that we have only three hours of recording time so yeah? James: so we really have to beat this within three hours James: I need to thank Grand POOBear for giving me an extra capture card. I like asked him. I was like What’s a good capture card and he was like this one time he gave me his so Adam: Thank you, Thank You Mr. POO Adam: Mr.. Bear James: mr-mr bear.. Jaiden: why can’t you just be him for the whole time. Why can’t you just ride the electrical wires to… James: the moon? Jaiden: the moon Adam: to the moon… Jaiden: I see no problem Jaiden: there’s a banana in there Jaiden: *gasp* more birds! I don’t know th- Can you be a bird and fly everywhere? James: uhhh Adam: I WISH James: you can be a lizard and fly. Jaiden: I see *mumbles* Jaiden: Banana! oh nO oh no muhuh oo oo nO No Nohu Adam:Okay I said this- Adam: I said this before uh Privately amongst friends and they don’t get it But the water in this game looks super quenchable like it would quench the frick out of your thirst James: that’s a weird adjective to describe anything Jaiden: Quenchable? Adam: it’s a really- Jaiden: Is it a real word? Adam: I don’t know
Jaiden: I’m looking it up right now Adam: It looks like like a nice glass of water Jaiden: Siri, Siri, Siri, Siri, Siri, Siri, come here baby Jaiden: No she goes off when I say Ari I’m like I’m not talking to you! Adam: Ok google Jaiden: SIRI! Adam: Is water- Jaiden: I’m gonna type it in James: Is quenchable, Adam: is quenchable- is water- wait Jaiden: QUEN-CHA-BLE James: oh theres- Adam: *laugh* is water wet Adam: is quenchable a word (Guessing from all the automatic caption guesses no, it’s not a word) Jaiden: to satisfy or ally, parentheses thirsts, desires, passions James: Yes! Okay, you guys missed it, but I did a very cool speedrunning thing. (every time james mentions a speedrunning thing take a shot of water to be hydrated) Jaiden: Do it again I’m still looking up quenchable James: okay, well this this is the first big skip of the run everyone, okay, so we’re a t-rex Jaiden: oh look at you James: yeah no big deal Adam: wait, I wanna do it cause you- its fine Jaiden: woah! Adam: wait let me do it, i wanna do it Jaiden: oh, be careful! James: good going adam Jaiden: awh^>James: We’re totally speedrunning, guys. This is how the pros do it. Adam: Yeah, look at how fast… Jaiden: You’re supposed to be this far twenty-five minutes in. James: uHH- What does- Jaiden: MARACAS!! Jaiden: FREEZY TREATS!! *0* James: Maracas! Adam: What does thieving monsters- Adam: Wait- I- I didn’t see the question I know ALL of these… James: Okay, we have to do that again… Adam: Greetings, traveler… Jaiden: I didn’t even read the question… *Reading the question simultaneously over each other* SAND!! James: Why does he want sand? James: wHUT!?! Adam: It’s freezy Pops! James: uOOOUUUHHH? But this is the Desert? Jaiden: It’s not rings? James: …Freezy treats. James: wHAT!?! Jaiden: Heh, It’s rings. It’s rings. Adam: It’s rings. Jaiden: We’re the best speedrunners. xD James: There’s actually a way to glitch into the wall without even having to answer it… but… Jaiden: But we wanted to take the easier- James: Here it is, here it is, yeah, there’s all the coins. Adam: GO BUY THEM! You have enou- Oh wow. Adam: Okay, yeah, we just need that one now James: BOOM! DONE! TIME! Adam: Wait, Is this the speedrunners’ way to just like collect a bunch of coins and buy them all? Jame: Uhhh, well, you can only buy one in each thing… Jaiden: They turn into honey. All right ten… That’s how hot air balloons work! Jaiden: So if you’re playing this game for the first time, and you didn’t know Mario’s name was Mario, what would you name him? James: I- I- I wouldn’t do something Italian… Adam: Renaldo. Jaiden: Jorge. James: Maybe like… Jake… Jaiden: Jake?! Adam: Jake the plumber. James: You guys ready to see my speedrunning skills? **I’ve been judging you while I captioned this** Mchwave_ Jaiden: Haven’t we already been watching? **I Have** James: Right… right… here. Jaiden: :0 !! It’s pink! There’s like a- a stack of coins that popped up. Did you get that? James: uhhh- THERE IT IS! Jaiden: Right there! Jaiden oOH! REAL COIN PHYSICS!!! Jaiden: So THAT’S what people mean by jiggle physics… James: So there’s a way to like- to speedrun your way up this wall. Adam: You guys not look at that water and go …whoa. :0 Jaiden: Quenchable? Adam: Whoa… I wanna do that. Jaiden: close… Jaiden: This sand is really… Uhh… Crunchy… Crunchable. Adam: Crunchable… Hey wait. That’s a- that’s a s- James: WHOO! did it. Jaiden: Crunchable? Adam: Wait no- Jaiden: Wow! Great jump! ** xD Game throwing shade on ya ** Jaiden: Did you see that?! xD Jaiden: That was like super condescend- :0 !! They’re getting married!! ;0; AND THEY HAVE BABIES!! It’s like a whole story! ;v; James: Kay, I just need my health back. Okay, you see that zipper up there. Jaiden: Yeah James: I’m gonna get to that zipper. Jaiden: We’re gonna zip that zipp- :0000 MORE BIRDS! James: That- That was the- the easy way out. Yeah, a lot of these things I’m playing safe just because I don’t want to- have to do it again. Jaiden: I mean zippers exist, but what if they works for walls? In some drawers? Jaiden: oOOH! It’s a beautiful world! *0* Adam: GO GET IT!! IT’S ON HIS BACK!! Jaiden: IT’S A LAPRAS!! James: You’re supposed to steal a fish… That one! Jaiden: Fish…. Jaiden: wou uuoWOaAHHuoOaAH **Poor Cheep Cheep** James: There we go~ Jaiden: They have mohawks. Adam: Yeah, that’s some dope hair. James: What I think is cool, is that Mario was- like he was… in the 8-bit era, so a lot of the enemies, they’re designed the way they are because, of the limitations from the 8-bit stuff… Adam: Yeah, but didn’t the- didn’t the fish come from the 16-bit one? James: Uhh, no. The fish were in the very- they’re in the very very first one yeah Adam: Really? James: Yeah. Jaiden: Look at the fish. He’s like- “:oo u gOT OnE!!” **Cheep Cheep are just the best enemies to insult at** Jaiden: AoouuuooOOooOooOoo. James: I thin- James: This guy- Jaiden: OH! He scared me! James: This guy has a name… ** It’s on the screen right now, smh** Jaiden: Nessie? Jaiden: Nel- Jaiden: Nellie? Jaiden: Nessie? James: I- I actually think it might be someone… James: Someone look up the name of the Lapras in Mario- Jaiden: SIRI! James: I think there’s another moon… James: right… heeere??? Adam: What is the name of the Lapras in Mario? Adam: Dorrie James: Dorrie Jaiden: Dorrie Jaiden: I Like Lapras Jaiden: It’s an original name. James: oOOH Wait- I know- I remember the speedrun now. You’re supposed to do the boss. That’s what you’re supposed to do… Adam: And you aren’t doing it… Jaiden: It’s a mermaid! James: Where- oh. How did I- how do I get to the boss… Jaiden: I like these colors James: You know what we’re not doing the boss. We’re doing it.. th- my way James: There’s- James: I just wanted to show off- *gasp* James: I just wanted to show off…. fffffffffff…. Here we go. Jaiden: This… oOoh. James: You found me! Adam: Ah! You found me! Jaiden: You found her in the back alley in exchange some… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Jaiden: OUR LITTLE SECRET ROOM!!! Jaiden: So why is it… moons in this game and not stars? James: That’s- ‘Cause they already did stars… Adam: ‘Cause they’re going to the moon. James & Jaiden: ooOOOOHHhh! doo doo doo doo~ pfff xD Jaiden: GET OUTTA HERE! Jaiden: oh he’s scared of the fish. James: Yeah, because- ’cause you’re an enemy so- Jaiden: oh James: I mean, I guess I could just *whispers* buy a moon. Jaiden: That’s what you say to murderers. Jaiden: GET OUTTA HERE! Jaiden: And then he cowers in fear. James: Someone breaks into your house… gET OUTTA HERE. They’re like- SWIPER NO SWIPING! Adam: Of a- of a meme I saw on Twitter It’s like umm… somebody breaks into your house and they’re just like- the robbers err– You ask the robber Uhh- Can I help you with anything? James: Oh yeah, Adam: The robber’s just like- James: Y’know… just looking. Jaiden: I saw that one. Jaiden: Twerk it Jaiden: No air needed. James: When I first played this, uhh- I didn’t talk to the toad first and just went into the pipe ’cause it’s like, “ooh! a secret!” I thought It was going to take me to a secret room. Jaiden: Yeah? James: but it did not… ‘^’ James: can you like here in a squeaky chair? James: We’re pros… James: TIME! We’re at… 34 minutes. Jaiden: I like at the pink moons. Adam: Two hours and 36 minutes left, we gotta hurry… James: Should we be commentating about this game? comment at people who– Jaiden: So this is Mario… James: Yeah, if you never heard what Mario is, uhhh- Jaiden: It’s about this uhh- Mexican plumber… ***cough* Italian *cough*** Adam: We’re 34 minutes into the video… Adam: If they don’t know what Mario by now… Jaiden: They’ve already made educated guesses. Adam: You have to beat the crap out of this like- Jaiden: You hate… Jaiden: I HATE you Jaiden: He’s like teasing you… Adam: Ok, now you have permission to beat the CRAP- Jaiden: OOOOHHHH! Jaiden: Violence is never the answer! ☮️ James: I’m just throwing the hat at him, okay! ** suuuuure James** Adam: KILL HIM! Jaiden: Oh! Jaiden: :0)) Jaiden: That one’s so pretty!! *0* Jaiden: I like- this my favorite color so far. Adam & James: yeee Adam: Right there- James: There it is. James & Adam: yeeeaaah. James: I knew where that was because I am a- skilled player. And this is my first time playing the game by the way. James: Why isn’t it.. break? Jaiden: Can’t you just like- throw it? Adam: Oh yeah! This one you have to hit like… a bajillion – James: There! Jaiden: There we go! Jaiden: Yaayy! James: He wants- He wants flowers here? James: YES! first try! James: Oh wait… Is this not a moon? Jaiden: Everyone wants flowers… Adam: Nuuhh, it’s a pathway? James: I’m gonna do the speedrunners way. James: There’s this term in speedrunning called RNG, which stands a Random Number Generator, and it’s basically sometimes in video games- they’re… completely random. So… even if you play it a hundred times, it’s different every time. Jaiden: mhm. James: And… Dangit! James: And so there’s this pretty famous- not famous… But there’s this one clip of this guy… who died to RNG… And he was like “oH, I DIED TO RNG, DUDE!” Jaiden: Like he took the stairs. :0 Jaiden & James: There we go. Jaiden: :0 ooh. Creepy… Jaiden: a WALNUT! Adam: Don’t you have to like- be him ’cause he jumps high? James: Uhh- Well, the speedrunners would never do that. Jaiden: Oh no! Jaiden: Oh! He hops! Jaiden: What are you trying to do James? James: I’m j- j- just… trying to beat the game. There we go. ** relief sounds** Jaiden as the walnut: Hey man! What’s up? Jaiden: OOHOWH! AHHH! whHHYYYYy? **poor walnut** James: I WANT WHAT’S INSIDE YOU! -James, 2018 Adam: You could’ve just ask! T^T Jaiden: Hullo! I’m so lonely up here.. What’s it going man? aAAHHHH!!11!!1 James: Yeah… that was so cool. James: I— Jaiden: oOOH! LEGS! James: I totally forgot what I’m supposed to do… Jaiden: He’s a watermelon with legs… James: I totally forgot what I’m supposed to do… I think there’s a- is there another acorn one out here? Adam: There are a lot of moons in this. James: Yeah, you have to collect a lot to- Jaiden: oooh… Careful… I know- in my Pokémon experience, I know that he’s got a type advantage on you. James: oH NO! ooh. ok- I thought I fell. AHH! Here it is! Jaiden: Walnut! Adam: Consent! James: Uhh- I bet you- I wonder if theres any- Jaiden: OH poison! James: got it. James: I wonder if there’s any pro speedrunners watching this and cringing. And I wonder if there’s any like- people who’ve never played this game before they’re like… “WOW! He’s so good at the game!” Adam: I wonder what- James: OH NO! NO! NOOOO! ** The exact definition of being good at the game ** ** instant karma ** Jaiden: He just waddle. James: You’re supposed to get up there. Adam: You can get up there! James: I know! but it’s easier… Jaiden: Walnut! Walnut Jaiden: Hey man! Walnut Jaiden: PLEASE DON’T MAN! Walnut Jaiden: I was just like- I- I- This my own little- lil’- lil’- corner! ** RIP Walnut ** James: To do something risky! Jaiden: Oh nooo… James: YES! Jaiden: So Mario like- when he… takes control of something… Jaiden: uhh- His- his… mus- mustache stays… So like, what feature- on you guys would stay? Adam: My raging muscles! James: Take control of someone and they just become muscular. xD Jaiden: like a frog? Jaiden: Oh noooo.. James: It’s okay, I got this! Jaiden: I feel so bad for those walnuts. ** same ** Jaiden: They’re just living their life. They’re like a- like- are they the equivalent to this world’s clam and pearl? James: Do clams have feelings? Jaiden: I don’t think they have brains, but they have a will to like, survive and stuff – James: Yeah, thats true. Jaiden: I’ve- I told to you guys about this… But I- I haven’t talked about it in a video before and- Jaiden: probably no one’s gonna hear it. But… James: Who’s gonna watch this all the way through- I messed up. Jaiden: Uhm, I almost went through- I did go through a giant rabbit hole on YouTube one time. Jaiden: where they just opened clams… James: Oh yeaaaah!- Jaiden: And they- like for an hour. And they just like- looked at the pearls and the clams. And I- I didn’t watch it all… But I was very close to it. Jaiden: There were different colors depending on the type of dye that the person put in. Adam: whaa? James: Okay, the speedrunners would- they would like somehow be able to get on top- oOh no! Jaiden: You’re gonna to miss the bridge! ** chaos incoming ** Jaiden: Wha- OH NO NO NO Jaiden: Doesn’t go in all the way. James: Ok, we’re just doing it this the safe way. Jaiden: This is s speedrun for us. If we do it the speedrunner’s way, it would not be faster… James: Uhhh NO! Adam: Why didn’t you just *stuttering* James: There’s a moon up there! Adam: No just hop! He hops on its own James: ohhhh I- I’m good *laughter* What’s your favorite Mario song? Do you have a favorite Mario song? Adam: Oh? Yes, the one from 64 the water level That’s like my favorite James: The- in Super Mario World if that was a thing BUM BUM BUM BUM doodoododoodoo *laughter* Jaiden: What’s this guys name? James: Uhh different hat guy…? Jaiden: I’d have to listen to all the songs and make an opinion. Adam: Wait will this video get copyrighted by Nintendo since they don’t like anybody using James: My- my second channel hasn’t even been monetized yet It’s been seven weeks>:( Adam: or they’ll, will you get a copyright strike? James: Uhh Jaiden: I don’t think so. I think because there was just this thing where they just like claimed the video So they make some money from it Oh GOD! *James and Adam laughing* Jaiden: That’s disgusting Can we think about this, like James: I DID IT I DID IT! (lol jk) Jaiden: Let’s pretend that we’re Nintendo, “Guys I had the best idea for a boss!” *laughter* Jaiden (as nintendo): “He inhales, and then get this- he vomits vomits toxic… vom…” James: Purple vomit Adam: Just throws up everywhere!
James: What do you want to name him? Steve. James: You only have three hits. Adam: nO! I’m gonna do what you did James: Get that heart get that heart Adam: DIE STE- aw 🙁 James: It’s possible to make a pentagram with this guy. Jaiden: I was just thinking that *James chuckles* Adam: MMPH MMPH MMPH James: YES! Jaiden: I want someone to make a smiley face. He looks like George Washington. Adam: …okay James: I can see it. James: So we got some moons, but we still need more… Jaiden: Can I go get an apple? (spoiler yes she can) James: Sure you can go get an apple Jaiden: Do you guys need anything? James: No… [Adam: An apple] We’ll just we’ll just be here trying to get moons Adam (high-pitched dehydrated voice): Can you get me water? [Jaiden: Yeah] Thank youuuu This is like the only game that I want DLC James: Yeah! If- I think we were saying if there was a Mario 64 DLC Adam: Yes! Oh I’d buy that in a heartbeat James: I didn’t say this but we’re catfishing this goombah… Adam: Wait and they know– Wait do the thing do the thing James: Oh the thing? I think I know what you’re talking about Adam: Do the thing. James: Okay, I’m pressing it I’m pressing it GNYAAAAAAAH *laughter* [And then they all died] Adam: So I imagine this DLC remake of Mario 64 Would be–it’s like–it’s like, it still has Cappy, still has the hat physics and stuff like that But it’s just a reimagine of what the 64 one would be like. I feel like that would be dOPE. Hello, Jaiden is back with apples and water Jaiden: [Yeah, the essentials] James:We’re gonna have an ASMR sesh. Jaiden: So how far, how much progress have we made? James: I need one more star Adam: There’s one–there’s one right there James: There’s one right here? RIGHT, AGHHH>:( Adam: Yeah, go get it. James: Okay, here we go. Yeah. I think you’re just gonna like–and then get out? Adam: WhAt aRE yoU dOiNg? James: I’m despawning him because I don’t like people shooting at me!!! *laughter* Jaiden: Me neither #RELATABLE *more laughter* James: I think it’s so cool that you could just be in the sitting position and then all of a sudden just *BFFFFFFFT* Like a triple backflip, yeah We did it. Jaiden: Guess what apple this is. Adam: Ooh, oh, Fuji. James: How–like on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate Fuji apples? Jaiden: Pretty good. I’d say eight. Adam: Wait, my favorite Apple is the one that tastes like cotton candy, which one is that one? Jaiden: Pacific Rose. Adam: PACIFIC ROSE!!! James: Pacific Rim! Adam: I’m trying to eat this apple, but I also forgot I have braces on *laughter* Jaiden: I should have cut it up for you. James: Is that a problem? Adam: No I know a trick. I can I can open this with my hands Jaiden: He’S EaTInG tHe aPpLe wHoLe *laughter* His jaw has unhooked like a snake!!! Adam: Me and my friends figured out how to open… an apple with our bare hands, and it was really cool… Oh, I’m doing it!! James: That’s so great for the people watching at home. Jaiden: It’s not worth– what are you even accomplishing?? You’re just putting the same thing in half James: It’s worth it, he’s gonna be able to eat it! Adam: Hold up, I’m gonna take a picture of it, I just want to say I’m really proud that I opened this I cut this without.. Jaiden: This is how much progress I’m making on my apple. James: No, I didn’t do it! This is my favorite battle. The little pimp Bowser. Adam: I feel really cool, eating these apples.. …cuz I broke it in half with my BARE HANDS! Now run and punch them in the face– James: Punch him in the nuts! *laughter* Jaiden: His hair looks so nice! Adam: Yeah, they have some dope hair in this. James: They try to do this little fake out right here *whOOP!* haha nice try. *BOOM* James: So normally your hat, your Cappy gets stolen in this part, but there is a way to just skip that. Oh, no! Okay. Jaiden: Really? What’s it get stolen by, monkeys? James: A bird Jaiden: *gASP* LOOK AT HIM James: woooOOOAAAAHH Jaiden: Is there an ASMR of speed running? James: With speed running? You’d just have to be really talented and whisper the whole thing. A lot of times speedrunners they like, when they stream, they don’t even like, say anything, it’s just that– oh I tried to throw my hat… Jaiden: It have to be like there’s visual ASMR too, so like really clean James: I mean that is what a speed run is– Oh no I can’t do– oh I did it! Jaiden: That tree is a person James: All right, bird brain… Jaiden: The bird doesn’t even like flying very far away There’s a moon in the…! There’s a moon in the cage. James: Yep. I think it’s this spot. Yeah… Ready for this? Jaiden: hmm James: Yeah, there it is! There’s a lot of like really easy moons, which is fun for speedrunners Jaiden: Heh, hey what you got there Adam: Hey you know what that character reminds me of, reminds me of that one video He’s like, you know, where he wants to get the crown. James: Oh, yeah! Jaiden: Oh yeah, Double King. Double King yeah. That’s a good video if you guys haven’t seen that already, go watch it James: What.. was it… was it kind of bloody? Jaiden: Um…, no James: Or like gruesome? Adam: I mean there was one part where he chopped off his finger, but actually yeah James: What else is, what else is he… Jaiden: But that was like a plot thing. James: Oh no, oh no! It’s–no I needed that! Is this… there’s two moons over there, so let’s just… The January 27th you know what that means hmm, you know eight months away from my birth oh I don’t know if I should talk about this But my little sister she went in to do the test or to get her driver’s permit yesterday. She didn’t pass my First try I got a hundred percent. I got a 92 I missed one because I Yep, you know how I studied the weight will this be illegal yeah, so the permit the permit test so I just went on youtube and google the answers and just And just studied the answers because like it’s like Like it’s super easy. I mean it’s their fault if they don’t change that you have to go on the other platform. Oh Right you need to get on this black okay on this one That one then you got a yeah, so good oh, we still need one more oh Go buy one. No the shots all the way at the very top. There is I think there’s one It says you can shake the joint fun to stretch faster Okay, I’m just having to give it a hat. I like to be removing. Oh we’re at the one hour mark everyone We at least halfway through the video Movie I guess you could tell by how many little like pieces of the Oh did we not get a little slim little piece should say split In high school I had this top hat and I was aware it’s like There’s where to be fun because it was a top hat it was cool Yeah, and then I took it to one party these kids broke it oh They’re like we’re being rough with it. They’re like throwing it around did it like fall through like rip through. Yeah well They’re like these these little it was like a little habit. You can put down and fold up and Cool you can do some cool little speedruns shenanigans and like get that moon up there Can you go into the shop and buy a moon you do that right now well, there’s chaos yes, that’s a crappy cat oh Ew, it’s like a Ken doll It’s yeah, it was super weird how there was just like real people and real dinosaurs in this game If you listen closely oh yeah one person just straight-up ghosts, I want to die like Gibberish like whatever are and one of them is I Don’t know same exact thing they can oh, okay. Go that way you’re moving This is beyblade Oh Jade got farther than building oh Wow your construction check You press the top You got this I was gonna say that to get out of the field oh oh oh Wait you’re gonna have to go across. I’m gonna have to get across this guy Wow Press the top left button yeah, and then throw your hat at those boxes behind you AAAH. Oh it came straight at me. Uuhhhhhhhh (do you see those boxes right there?) AAHHH! THEY’RE AFTER ME!(*laughing*) AAAAAH HURRY HURRY! I got a coin! Okay wait wait, you I wanna hide her- oh Wait. *laughing* Don’t fall off. Okay, wait, go back to where you were. I don’t wanna. There’s a star in there, it’ll heal you up. See those boxes? Break those boxes. hhuuu AAAAAAH!!!! Yeah, you see that there’s like a hole in there go go in go in that. Hole. Yeah, okay? Yeah, yeah Is that the first moon? No, its the second one, we bought the first one. (laughing) Bought the first one How do I run? Oh, not that. There’s no, you’re just always running. Its- How do I change the camera? Uh, the other- How did you get this far without dying? I’ve NEVER played this game before. Oh look, a streetsign. There’s no running? Well yeah, you are running. There’s no like faster thing? You can Sonic roll (how do I do that?) so you press the top left button to crouch, and then you press the Throw button. Oh wait get that checkpoint I’m like crawling up the stairs. Okay so now press the when you’re in the Crouch button press y and you’ll start rolling. yeah, yeah, you have to like always be pressing y Aaahh, he’s after me! I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. AAAH ! (laughing) Can I roll- oh No , oh, that that gets you out of the OH NO! What a fricking…. I hate you Okay, so throw your hat at that little yellow thing Yeah, oh oh, there’s Hello, fellow s- fellow humans! There’s a, go to the right on the head right oh go back back. *snicker* Or don’t. There’s a moon over there *gasp* Ooooh. You could totally make that (you’re right) Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. AAAAH! Oh my god. help! That escelated so fast. *screaming* WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!! (OH NO) Oh you dived! I just wanted to hang with the maggots. AAH. They’re all over the place. Oh my god, this si scary. What is going on?? Take number one, first try. (alright) I was about to say you can take your time, but just remember, we’re speed running. *nervous noises* OOOHH wow okay. Swaying in the breeze. NO- I don’t know where I am. Go to the left. Look at that beautiful view. Oh god. Oh god. Help. Help helphelphelphelp Throw it throw it throw it one more time! I’m the one of yous mm-hmm BAM Reminds me of a certain video. New DONK City?? Yeah, Donk, donkey kong. OOOoooh. Donkey Kong’s in this game. No way, is he?? Well, like 8-bit donkey kong. There’s a way to Way to speedrun well. This game rewards you for vandalism. if you take down those posters you get a coin. Well I mean, they weren’t GOOD posters. Woah. Okay, I’m almost at- Don’t turn into anything- JUST GIVE ME THE STAR! Okay, there’s, this is the is the ultimate leap of faith SPEEEDRUUUUUUUN!!!! Oh- Oh I missed it, I missed it. What’re you doing?? IT WAS A SPEEDRUN TECHNIQUE. That is a tall building. Wow You’re exactly where you wanted to be, right? I mean if I died, I would have ended up here anyway. I threw the hat too late. How do people even find this? What are you doing? Throw it! (adam making weird noises) Oh my gO- YES!!!!!!!!! WOO, speedrun. I did it! Okay, do you want to play? What, I want to play? I think its my turn. Yeah, this is the boss. (Hit the checkpoint.) New Donk City hall rooftop. That is a mouthful. ‘Kay. Going up. Up and awaaay OOh, look at that. I will murder you!!! You need to get a- oh yeah, you’re right, I thought for some reason I thought I had to throw my hat at him oh How do you shoot? (james singing)I WILL MURDER! (james is still singing) (what a weirdo) Oh, keep going, keep hitting it! Motion-controls are on for some reason! Oh wow, it is, what?? Have they been on this whole time? I don’t know but I hate them. Nintendo, let it die! START OVER. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA (Oh my god.) Look at those legs! He’s got legs for dayz. You know what I realized? This video is still gonna take less effort than a normal video. (yeah) Like two hours- three hours for a video? That’s insane. Thats like how much it takes (normally), like we’re not even done with the script yet, (yeah)(*laughing*) By the way, the world record dream is dead. We did it. We made it. STOP HITTING ME!!! “We found this glitch that took us right to the ending!” T-T-T-TT-Top (Tippy top top) (DIE.) Come on, come on. This is sort of a nitpick, but I am upset that the bullets don’t arch. What if they’re just going too fast? They don’t feel like they’re going fast. They’re just going so slow that they’re fast Give me!! Got it First try. Oh, he’s so shiny. He looks like plastic. MMMMMM get outta here. A fresh start for New Donk. (laughing) There’s a moon in there What are the lady coins? Go to the right. Lady coins? Yeah, at the top there. (AAA) (We have five lady coins) You missed it you missed you missed. Oh, its right there. The lady coins? Oh, those are the purple coins. Oh. There’s like different purple coins in each level. I’m sorry for taking the controller from you man. No, it just reminded me of like a little kid days where my brother would NEVER LET ME PLAY. But it’s fine. This- oh whoops- (adam making angry noises) We’re jump roping right now. Let’s do this oh I already missed it. Do it again. You have to leave and come back. Yeah, you have to get it perfect okay One, two, thr-OOOOH I DIDNT MAKE IT!!! (Faster) You need to get 30 Faster! If you get 500 in this speed run Faster! There was someone who was able to like make a program that made him jump at all the right times OOOOOOH my god its getting close! (adam screaming) Wait you already did it. I CANT GIVE UP NOW- oh. Talk to the bird! Look at him. RAAAH. What is THE secret? You were terrible. Okay, wait no, I know the speedrunning technique now. (laughing) Got it okay, okay? There is a way Can’t you just like go enjoy yourself? Just turn, why aren’t you turning??? I am turning! (adam & james making noises) Got em. I wish cars were that bouncy in real life. I’m kind of glad they aren’t Just imagine car crashes, yeah. This is, okay wait, everyone watch this part This is like a legitimate part of like the speed running technique. PPFFFT. Oh, I missed. You were trying (you have to land on the) Yeah, you have to land right Yeah, like I saw that on Twitter, but what an actual thing? How do I sit down?? Oh there there No, I okay, but I just gotta wait. I gotta wait. You don’t press any buttons . Just give me your moon Oh, there’s little rat friends! Oh. Ohohohoh, you MURDERED it. I think it’s there’s a there’s a place. It’s like all white Where there’s like a bunch of people yeah, I know how to play this game This isn’t it. Yeah, I got it. I want to do it all the time Wait do you know the speedrunning tactic (no) This isn’t it, but it’s fine. We can do this anyway a scooter! The graffiti just says “New Donk City” Oh my god. You need to get to the left. You need to get to the left! (AAA) You need to get to the left! (AAAAAAA) What the h*ck?? Where did this come from?? STOP IT! YOU NEED TO GET TO THE LEFT! (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Look at that screenshot he’s like ready to bite. You’re gonna murder me. Okay, now. Just make it to the end yeah And then he dies! Your friend died (my lizard friend :”