MOTION GAMING SUCKS!
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MOTION GAMING SUCKS!

September 5, 2019


[rackets hit ball, audience reacts] -15-love. -Shut up! -[sips coffee] All right guys, we’re in crisis-mode here. Our last Call of Duty ripoff had to be pulled off the shelves ’cause of that lawsuit over that “airport baby massacre scene.” -I thought it was pulled ’cause no one was buying it. -Shut up! We need to think of more immersive games, ’cause if we don’t, we’re gonna be up S–t Creek without a shotgun. -Actually, the correct phrase is “without a paddle.” -No, it’s shotgun… like this one! [bang!, ceiling crumbles] Uhh… damn it. Like I was saying, we need an immersive game. Motion-control gaming is the future, so you guys better have some good ideas or I’m gonna transfer all of you to the video-games-based-on-movies department. -No! I don’t want to be forced to make a Twilight game. -And my children would disown me. Except for the gay one. He really does like that Taylor Lautner fella. -Oh, I got an idea for a game. It’s a game for… women? So, you’re a male stripper. -Jackpot! -And your goal is to make enough money to get out of the ghetto and put yourself through beauty college. -(video game) Hump bonus! -Not bad. So how do you jump? -Strippers don’t jump. -No, no, motion controls suck if there’s no jumping! Next! -I’ve got one, sir. It’s called… Motion… Sports… eh… Racing Simulator. -[whispering]: Jumping. Jumping. -And… jumping. So, in this motion-control game, you’re a race car driver. -(video game) Great driving. -But, when you get in a crash, your body lights on fire, so you gotta stop, drop, and roll. -(video game) Roll bonus! -Then, you have to give CPR to your fellow dying driver! -(video game) Keep pumping on his chest! -And where’s the jumping? -Uhh… -Damn it, people! Do you not understand? If I can’t jump in real life and see my character jump on the screen, then the video game’s motion controls are f–king pointless! -And BTW, that’s not proper CPR technique. You have to go like– -(all) Shut up! -That’s it. Both of you two: Twilight game. -Damn you, Taylor Lautner and your sexy abs! [shotgun cocks] -You! You better give me a good idea. -Uh…uh…uh… Oh, oh. I-I-I got an idea. -Doesn’t it involve jumping? -Uh… yeah. It’s…it’s all about… jumping. -‘Kay. I’m listening. -[stammering]: In this game, you jump… all over the place. -And how do you jump? -Oh… you press the A button. [bang!] Oh– -The gaming industry is doomed. -(woman) I have an idea. -Have you been down here the whole time? -Yes, sir. You told me I had to stay under the table until instructed otherwise. -When? -Last week. -Well… what’s your idea? Spit it out! -Well, I think the problem is–isn’t the game, it’s the controls. See, all these motion controls should be simple to remember and easy to perform. It shouldn’t be strenuous or tiring, it should just be natural. -Oh, my God. You’re totally right. You, you’re the goddess of gaming. Together, you and I are gonna change this world of motion gaming. [creepily]: Forever. [perverted chuckle] After months of hard work, I have finally finished the next level of motion-controlled gaming. I’ve condensed all the complex motion controls down to one small device. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… the Motiontron 2000. It’s brilliant, right? And you can jump. [laughs quietly] Come on guys, this is a breakthrough. Yah, f–k you guys! [boing! boing! boing! boing! boing!] [sobbing] -To see bloopers and an alternate ending, click the link in the description below! -Agh! -Thanks for subscribing, and… Captioned by SpongeSebastian Fooled you. I wasn’t gonna say anything else. Thanks for subscribing!

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  1. this is mine and my wifes song she was 23 i was 18 i hate it had 2 end when she died in a car crash i loved her so much but she cheated & and couldnt live with that. Like dis if u cri evvrytim 🙁

  2. I wish they had made this as its own serious. Probably the best of their segments

  3. Me: I got one!
    Ian: WHAT IS IT Points SHOTGUN
    Me: Uhhhhh… Ummmm.. Oh its GTA 5
    Ian: Yea your right… How you jump?!
    Me: You press the A button
    Ian: Your Right…
    Ian: HOW YOU DO DANCE?!
    Me: You dont cuz its storymode…
    Ian: SHOOTS SHOTGUN
    Me: Ded

  4. Oh shit remember a time when smash was good an early very thing was in their apartment with a decent back up cast

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