Kingdom Hearts Timeline – Chronologically Confused – Angry Video Game Nerd (Episode 165)
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Kingdom Hearts Timeline – Chronologically Confused – Angry Video Game Nerd (Episode 165)

September 10, 2019


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Take back your internet privacy today! But now, let’s get “Chronologically Confused”! AVGN: Let’s take a trip back to the early-2000s. PlayStation 2, GameCube and original Xbox are dukin’ it out, but, ah, let’s not get into all that Console War shit, right now. So, anyway, Square Enix, which was still called “SquareSoft” at the time, is the RPG master. With the long-running success of their “Final Fantasy” series, and hot off the release of “Final Fantasy X”, the company makes an announcement, that at the time, hit the world with shock and confusion. Enter “Kingdom Hearts”, an ambitious crossover between the Final Fantasy universe and Disney. Yeah, Disney. If you were to see screenshots of the game in magazines at the time, you’d think it was a joke. But it wasn’t; in fact, it was a big success, and it was followed by “Kingdom Hearts II” in 2005. And since then, everybody’s been waiting for the third game. But little did they know, it wouldn’t be out… for thirteen years. Now, I’ll admit, I haven’t played any of the games, so far. But with all the hype surrounding it, and with the third game right around the corner, I was wondering: “Is it worth getting into?” I mean, there’s not… that much to catch up with… there’s only three games, right? Yeeaaah… Well, well, well… Kingdom Hearts is a MASSIVE series with about twenty games altogether, containing sequels, prequels, remakes, HD remasters, and even concerts. If you think you can play just the main three games and know what’s up then… *chuckles* Oh, think again. The first game starts off simple enough, it tells the story of a boy named Sora who lives on the Destiny Islands with his friends. The group dreams of leaving the islands and exploring new worlds, but one night the islands are attacked by evil monsters called the “Heartless”, to battle the Heartless, Sora obtains the “Keyblade”. It’s not really a blade so much as a big fucking key that you use to bash the ever-loving shit out of enemies with. Sora defeats the Heartless that attacked their home, but the island is destroyed, and at the same time this is happening, Donald Duck and Goofy set out to find Mickey Mouse using a spaceship and end up landing in Traverse Town where they meet Sora and begin their quest to find their friends and stop the Heartless. It’s a decent Action-RPG that stands up with Square’s usual quality of games. The story can be kind of confusing but makes sense within the confines of the universe of establishes. Then the second game comes out and that’s where it gets really nuts, It starts you off in Twilight Town as a new guy; Roxas, and his friends. Well, that’s fine. But what happened to Sora, Donald and Goofy? These new characters are never mentioned anywhere in the first game, but all of a sudden they’re the main characters? Sora, Donald and Goofy don’t even show up until about two hours into the game. So what happened? Well, it turns out to get the full story, you have to play Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories on the GameBoy Advance before playing Kingdom Hearts 2. That’s where Roxas gets introduced and it also gives the story in between the first and second game. But come on, you can’t just stick some new characters in the main sequel without any explanation or proper introduction, so now you have to get a GameBoy Advance if you don’t already have one and play through another game just so you can be up to speed on part two. Okay, imagine if you’re watching the Back to the Future trilogy, you finished the first one and can’t wait to see what happens, then the movie starts and it’s just a bunch of new characters you’ve never seen before and Doc and Marty finally show up 45 minutes into the damn movie. Then you find out, you’re supposed to listen to a book on tape before you watch it. I guess it’s also like how you have to sit through an hour of the awful Star Wars Holiday Special just to see the introduction of Boba Fett. Geez, hopefully that’s the last time I ever have to reference THAT unsalvageable waste of recording media. However, even if you do play it, Chain or Memories doesn’t even explain who Roxas is, it just introduces him. Roxas is Sora’s “Nobody”. In Kingdom Hearts, when someone with a strong heart loses their heart, they create a nobody. So when Sora gave his heart to save Kairi in the first game, he created Roxas. Well, that’s all well and good, but how about explain that shit? Most of the prequels and in-between games came out in 2008 and onward, that’s three years after Kingdom Hearts 2 is released, and six after the first. Oh and the names, you want to get into the titles? Boy, did they use every possible naming convention under the sun. You have numbered games, games using the Greek alphabet, decimals and even fractions. The game about Roxas is called: Ahh *stammering* That. Look. That’s the title. I can’t even think of any sequels in general that use fractions, maybe The Naked Gun movies, but off the top of my head, that’s about it. And I don’t even know if it’s intended to be a fraction. After reducing it down, it should be called “Kingdom Hearts 179 days”. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s supposed to be 358 days between two characters, but seriously, the first time I saw this title I didn’t even know how to read it. Is it “358 Over Two Days”? Is it “358 Halves Days”? No, the way it’s supposed to be read, is “Kingdom Hearts Three-Five-Eight Days over Two”. Why not just call it “Kingdom Hearts Roxas Story”? Why all the convoluted, cockamamie names?! The one that really takes the cake for me and get ready for this, is “Kingdom Hearts 0.2: Birth by Sleep – A Fragmentary Passage”. That’s a paragraph! You have a decimal, a subtitle and a tag line?! Now that’s a motherfucking title! So with that said, let’s finally start tackling this timeline, it starts not with Kingdom Hearts 1, but with Kingdom Hearts… Chi, which was a Japan-only browser-based game explaining the Keyblade War. Nowadays, it isn’t even playable, but the cutscenes were remastered in Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue for the PS4. What a mouthful! This was followed by Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep for the PSP, then we have Kingdom Hearts 1, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, Kingdom Hearts 385/2 Days, and Kingdom Hearts 2. After that is where it starts getting really weird or… weirder. After two, we get Kingdom Hearts coded, which only came out on Japanese mobile phones. It was however later released as Kingdom Hearts Re:coded on the Nintendo DS, after Coded came Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance, the first tongue-twister sequel for the 3DS, and the last game before Kingdom Hearts 3, was Kingdom Hearts 0.2: Birth by Sleep – A Fragmentary Passage. Yeah, that’s one of my favorites. That right there is everything you need to know for Kingdom Hearts 3. So if you were following from the beginning just to get the full story, you’d be spending hundreds of dollars, or maybe even thousands between every game and console you need, you know, just to see Mickey, Donald, Goofy and some anime kids beat the shit out of people with keys. Not to mention, there was a concert in 2017 and 2018 with additional plot points, but the only way you’re gonna see that now is if you build yourself a time machine. So on top of the thousand dollars you’re spending on the games, you’re also gonna have to spend millions to obtain plutonium to power a flux capacitor. Oh, then again, It’s on YouTube. Luckily nowadays, there’s a ton of Kingdom Hearts compilations you can get that pack multiple games into one, there’s almost as many remakes and remasters as there are actual games in the series. You have Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix, Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 Remix, Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Remix Final Chapter Prologue, Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 + 2.5 Remix and lastly Kingdom Hearts – The Story So Far. What a convenient title. The Story So Far packs in everything you need to know – the full story – before Kingdom Hearts 3 drops, and you don’t need to understand complex mathematics or the Greek alphabet to play it. With all the shit packed in well after the first and second game, it makes me think: “They hadn’t planned any of this”. The first game is pretty straightforward. You travel to different Disney worlds to stop the Heartless and try to find your friends, the plethora of side stories and prequels just makes me feel like they were desperately trying to keep the hype train running until the third game finally came out. This series did essentially span three console generations, so I can understand they wanted to give the fanbase something to do in the mean time. But I just wonder if they had this entire story planned or we’re just patting it out to keep the interest going. So for someone who’s just now looking to play these games for the first time. I’m… kind of intimidated. Between all the entries in the series you’re looking at over a hundred hours of gameplay and that’s without even counting Kingdom Hearts 3. Well gee, add that to the whole list of games in general that I’m trying to play, it’s gonna be another thirteen years to do that. I guess though, by that time, the third game will be old enough to do a proper Angry Nerd review. But these games so far are pretty decent, they provide a nice amount of playtime for your money and the worlds are diverse and interesting. While the Disney stuff is kind of weird, it never feels out of place in the game’s universe. Also, now with Disney owning Star Wars and the Marvel Universes, it’ll be cool battling alongside Jedi and Avengers. Will that ever happen? Maybe, maybe not, but maybe when Kingdom Hearts 4 drops in 2030, then we’ll finally be able to see Sora, Mickey, Donald and Goofy team-up with Han Solo, Luke and Iron Man. Or not. But until then, who knows how many prequels and spin-offs and side stories and 4K remasters and remakes and reboots and requels we’ll see. Only time will tell.

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  1. Go to https://expressvpn.com/cinemassacre, to take back your
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  2. story wise nightmare before christmas doesnt belong nor does any of the star wars or marvel stuff-oh and fuck disney

  3. I love the KH intro music for this video. Love the musical instruments! Makes me feel nostalgic for KH2. 😍

  4. this is literally how you catch up to doctor who, unless you watch those specials there are large gaps in between.

  5. Can anyone answer this. Is Kingdom Hearts basically just an alternate universe for disney characters, seeing how major events that happened in the movie include Sora and the others in the games but obviously they aren't in the movies. Like with Jafar being sealed away by Aladdin even in the games it was Sora. Jafar was killed by Iago but apparently was killed by Sora in the games so how does the continuity work? Just an alternate Jafar and alternate Ursula ect. or just a retcon of some kind?

  6. 9:13 Does anyone know the name of the game at the beginning of the row? The white cartridge with Japanese text.

  7. Only thing I like about the game is the soundtrack and that's it lol. Tried playing it and I really couldn't get into it both when I was a kid and an adult.

  8. What you don’t know is that if you put all the tittles together and figure out the arithmetic equation it gives out the titles for all the upcoming star wars movies. Every game has secret messages for seeing Disney buying Lucas films and Marvel.

  9. Imagine a game with only one sequel, except it's a completely different game, and you have to buy a Happy Meal toy that explains everything that lead up to the sequel.

  10. How about the other disney princesses, disney films and pixar and the final fantasy 7 characters

  11. And they say DLCs are bad (they are)…buying whole consoles and shit just to follow the whole story. Now that's capitalism. xD

  12. just when you think kingdom hearts would end at 3 nope their will be more this will make avgn rage sooo hard

  13. I've always been a fan of Mike's illustrations of the Nerd, but something about the illustrations in this episode seems…off to me. It's not horrible, but it looks hastily made. I could be wrong. It's not a knock on Mike, it's just not my favorite work of his. I get what he was going for, a doodled on chalkboard aesthetic, but it just doesn't work for me.

  14. dang I didn't even know about Kingdom heart X I was wondering about the Keyblade wars. I'm like what is the KEYBLADE WARS ugggh!

  15. Shows nintendos continual greed….im past telling people that nintendo has good marketing ….they are losing market share due to their greed

  16. I think some new content is in order on the newer consoles…there is so much material out now you can work with…

  17. Clayfighter 63⅓ was an N64 game that made fun of the fact every N64 game that was a new installment in an existing series had 64 in the title or was colloquially called [series] 64. At the time, this trick worked and made it stand out from other games just because of the goofy name.

    It may also have been reference to the fractional Naked Gun titles, as Clayfighter was a very lowbrow humor game.

    (I paused the video to edit this post to add shit that James ended up immediately mentioning afterward in the video, fml)

  18. You also forgot Kingdom Hearts: Rebuild 1-3
    Kingdom Hearts: Death True and Rebirth
    Kingdom Hearts: The Sora Raising Project

  19. Wait, as a person that is also just now getting into the games too, should I buy all the prequels and sequels or should I just get the game “The Story So Far?”

  20. Since Disney now owns the Marvel, I'm now sure that Thanos will eventually joined the Organization XIII as Nothsax.

    Mark my words.

  21. This games looks like shit and totally unappealing. Was it intended for children? Can anybody really explain why it is so popular that they made so many games?

  22. The new kingdom hearts spin off

    Kingdom hearts 7.35273/76 days ~< A fragment Tori fall out in the 76 game of the year.>~

  23. Is it just me or the Nerd 10 years ago looks the same today. Nerds research shows screaming at these mother fucking torture games removes aging cells from the body.

  24. Pretty sure the games in between the main kingdom hearts titles were designed like this so Disney and Square Enix would make more profit off the kingdom hearts franchise. I mean, to wait 13 years and not release games on various different platforms would've been a bad decision. I do think they should've made the titles less confusing and I'm not even a kingdom hearts fan.

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