The World Cup is underway, and I haven’t missed
a single game. In fact,
I put a sign on my office door so that I wouldn’t be
interrupted. Right? I, um… Yeah, I know, I could just say
that I’m watching soccer, but I don’t want
my American coworkers to look at me weird,
so that’s what I did. For a complete World “Cupdate,” let’s go to Roy Wood Jr.
and Michael Kosta in our sports segment I Apologize for Talking
While You Were Talking. -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) WOOD:
Oh, man. -KOSTA: Yeah!
-WOOD: Yeah! (both grunting) -Hello!
-About time. -Yeah!
-Oh! Thank you, Trevor.
The World Cup is here, and I’m proud to report America,
still undefeated. (laughter) America’s not in the World Cup. Exactly. You can’t lose
when you don’t play, Roy, so… Anyway, 32 other countries
are playing in the World Cup, and the favorites
are struggling. Portugal forced Spain to a tie
in their matchup. That makes sense, Roy.
They tie in everything. Same peninsula, same language, -Different language.
-same culture. In fact, I think they tied
because they both stopped for a little siesta
halfway through the game. That was 100% wrong. Now, yesterday
we also saw Switzerland fight the mighty Brazil
to a tie, and before that,
Argentina and Messi -only tied against Iceland.
-Oh. Iceland! A country so small -that Björk was a sub
on their bench. -That’s true. (laughter and applause) -Wow.
-But the biggest shock so far was that Mexico beat
defending champion Germany, which was
a literal seismic upset. A huge upset at the World Cup as Mexico defeated
the defending champions Germany, and there were shock waves–
literally– in Mexico City. At nearly the same time
that one Mexico goal was scored, sensors detected
a mini earthquake. The Mexican Geological Survey
said possibly set off by so many fans
jumping in the air all at one time. Think about that, Roy. Mexican fans jumped so hard
they set off an earthquake. (groans) And Trump think he gonna stop these (bleep)
with a wall? That is true. (cheering and applause) But my favorite part
of the World Cup is how all the countries
from all around the world bring all their unique cultures
and traditions to Russia, and Russia does not like it. Now the strange World Cup story
of the day comes from right here
in Kaliningrad. The Russian authorities have
banned Nigeria fans from bringing chickens to
the game as a good luck charm. They say they had
several requests from Nigeria fans
to bring in chickens. Now I’ve not spoken to any
Nigeria journalist or fans who remember ever wanting
to bring chickens into a game, but the Russian authorities say that this will be a chicken-free
zone on Saturday night. Uh-uh. These Africans are crazy. Bringing chickens
as a good-luck charm? Who does that? Why don’t they just cut off
the foot of a dead rabbit -like a normal person? Aah!
-Well… I don’t think
it’s that crazy, Roy. Nigeria, if you want to get
those chickens into the game, -let me teach you a little
white-person trick, okay? -Yeah. Take your chicken,
put a vest on it, call it
your emotional support animal. -(laughter, applause, cheering)
-Yeah. Yeah. That’s how I got my alligator
past the TSA. And if you’re watching, Chompy,
Daddy loves you, okay? You have a gator
that calls you “Daddy”? Anyway,
it’s been an amazing World Cup, and we can’t wait to do it again
in four years, so… Oh, Kosta, they just started. -This thing goes
four more weeks. -God damn it. Roy Wood, Jr.
and Michael Kosta, everybody.