How to speak so that people want to listen | Julian Treasure
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How to speak so that people want to listen | Julian Treasure

October 7, 2019

The human voice: It’s the instrument we all play. It’s the most powerful sound
in the world, probably. It’s the only one that can start a war
or say “I love you.” And yet many people have the experience that when they speak, people
don’t listen to them. And why is that? How can we speak powerfully
to make change in the world? What I’d like to suggest, there are a number of habits
that we need to move away from. I’ve assembled for your pleasure here
seven deadly sins of speaking. I’m not pretending
this is an exhaustive list, but these seven, I think, are pretty large
habits that we can all fall into. First, gossip. Speaking ill of somebody
who’s not present. Not a nice habit,
and we know perfectly well the person gossiping, five minutes later,
will be gossiping about us. Second, judging. We know people who are like this
in conversation, and it’s very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you’re being judged
and found wanting at the same time. Third, negativity. You can fall into this. My mother, in the last years of her life,
became very negative, and it’s hard to listen. I remember one day, I said to her,
“It’s October 1 today,” and she said, “I know, isn’t it dreadful?” (Laughter) It’s hard to listen
when somebody’s that negative. (Laughter) And another form
of negativity, complaining. Well, this is the national art of the U.K. It’s our national sport. We complain about the weather, sport,
about politics, about everything, but actually, complaining is viral misery. It’s not spreading sunshine
and lightness in the world. Excuses. We’ve all met this guy. Maybe we’ve all been this guy. Some people have a blamethrower. They just pass it on to everybody else and don’t take responsibility
for their actions, and again, hard to listen
to somebody who is being like that. Penultimate, the sixth of the seven, embroidery, exaggeration. It demeans our language,
actually, sometimes. For example, if I see something
that really is awesome, what do I call it? (Laughter) And then, of course,
this exaggeration becomes lying, and we don’t want to listen
to people we know are lying to us. And finally, dogmatism. The confusion of facts with opinions. When those two things get conflated, you’re listening into the wind. You know, somebody is bombarding you
with their opinions as if they were true. It’s difficult to listen to that. So here they are, seven deadly
sins of speaking. These are things I think we need to avoid. But is there a positive
way to think about this? Yes, there is. I’d like to suggest that there are four
really powerful cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make
change in the world. Fortunately, these things spell a word. The word is “hail,” and it has
a great definition as well. I’m not talking about the stuff
that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. I’m talking about this definition, to greet or acclaim enthusiastically, which is how I think
our words will be received if we stand on these four things. So what do they stand for? See if you can guess. The H, honesty, of course, being true in what you say,
being straight and clear. The A is authenticity,
just being yourself. A friend of mine described it as
standing in your own truth, which I think is a lovely way to put it. The I is integrity, being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can trust. And the L is love. I don’t mean romantic love, but I do mean wishing people
well, for two reasons. First of all, I think absolute honesty
may not be what we want. I mean, my goodness,
you look ugly this morning. Perhaps that’s not necessary. Tempered with love, of course,
honesty is a great thing. But also, if you’re really
wishing somebody well, it’s very hard to judge
them at the same time. I’m not even sure you can do
those two things simultaneously. So hail. Also, now that’s what you say, and it’s like the old song,
it is what you say, it’s also the way that you say it. You have an amazing toolbox. This instrument is incredible, and yet this is a toolbox
that very few people have ever opened. I’d like to have a little rummage
in there with you now and just pull a few tools out that you might like to take
away and play with, which will increase
the power of your speaking. Register, for example. Now, falsetto register may not
be very useful most of the time, but there’s a register in between. I’m not going to get very
technical about this for any of you who are voice coaches. You can locate your voice, however. So if I talk up here in my nose,
you can hear the difference. If I go down here in my throat, which is where most of us
speak from most of the time. But if you want weight, you need to go down here to the chest. You hear the difference? We vote for politicians
with lower voices, it’s true, because we associate depth with power and with authority. That’s register. Then we have timbre. It’s the way your voice feels. Again, the research shows that we prefer voices
which are rich, smooth, warm, like hot chocolate. Well if that’s not you,
that’s not the end of the world, because you can train. Go and get a voice coach. And there are amazing things you can do with breathing, with posture,
and with exercises to improve the timbre of your voice. Then prosody. I love prosody. This is the sing-song, the meta-language that we use in order to impart meaning. It’s root one for meaning in conversation. People who speak all on one note
are really quite hard to listen to if they don’t have any prosody at all. That’s where the word
“monotonic” comes from, or monotonous, monotone. Also, we have repetitive
prosody now coming in, where every sentence ends
as if it were a question when it’s actually not
a question, it’s a statement? (Laughter) And if you repeat that one, it’s actually restricting your ability
to communicate through prosody, which I think is a shame, so let’s try and break that habit. Pace. I can get very excited by saying
something really quickly, or I can slow right down to emphasize, and at the end of that, of course,
is our old friend silence. There’s nothing wrong with a bit
of silence in a talk, is there? We don’t have to fill it with ums and ahs. It can be very powerful. Of course, pitch often
goes along with pace to indicate arousal, but you
can do it just with pitch. Where did you leave my keys? (Higher pitch) Where did you
leave my keys? So, slightly different meaning
in those two deliveries. And finally, volume. (Loud) I can get really excited
by using volume. Sorry about that, if I startled anybody. Or, I can have you really pay attention
by getting very quiet. Some people broadcast the whole time. Try not to do that. That’s called sodcasting, (Laughter) Imposing your sound on people around you
carelessly and inconsiderately. Not nice. Of course, where this all comes
into play most of all is when you’ve got something
really important to do. It might be standing on a stage like this
and giving a talk to people. It might be proposing marriage, asking for a raise, a wedding speech. Whatever it is, if it’s really important, you owe it to yourself
to look at this toolbox and the engine that it’s going to work on, and no engine works well
without being warmed up. Warm up your voice. Actually, let me show you how to do that. Would you all like to stand
up for a moment? I’m going to show you the six vocal warm-up exercises
that I do before every talk I ever do. Any time you’re going to talk
to anybody important, do these. First, arms up, deep breath in, and sigh out, ahhhhh, like that. One more time. Ahhhh, very good. Now we’re going to warm up our lips, and we’re going to go Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba. Very good. And now, brrrrrrrrrr, just like when you were a kid. Brrrr. Now your lips
should be coming alive. We’re going to do the tongue next with exaggerated la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la. Beautiful. You’re getting
really good at this. And then, roll an R. Rrrrrrr. That’s like champagne for the tongue. Finally, and if I can only do one, the pros call this the siren. It’s really good. It starts
with “we” and goes to “aw.” The “we” is high, the “aw” is low. So you go, weeeaawww, weeeaawww. Fantastic. Give yourselves
a round of applause. Take a seat, thank you. (Applause) Next time you speak, do those in advance. Now let me just put this
in context to close. This is a serious point here. This is where we are now, right? We speak not very well to people who simply aren’t listening in an environment that’s all
about noise and bad acoustics. I have talked about that on this stage
in different phases. What would the world be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who were listening consciously in environments which were
actually fit for purpose? Or to make that a bit larger, what would the world be like if we were creating sound consciously and consuming sound consciously and designing all our environments consciously for sound? That would be a world
that does sound beautiful, and one where understanding
would be the norm, and that is an idea worth spreading. Thank you. (Applause)

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  1. This is great and inspiring to watch. I love every video that was uploaded here and I want to be one of those inspiring person standing in front of the crowd soon ?

  2. C'est simple : Parler de trucs qui les intéressent.
    Au pire, on peut aussi se remettre en question et se demander pourquoi on a à ce point "besoin" d'être écouté.

  3. I think the voice thing is spot on on how you sound of you sound foreign anything you say is usually scrapped or maybe 10% of what you were trying to put out there goes thru…same for accents, usually British being the most silly and “extra”, in my opinion anyway, seems less serious.

  4. Most Ted talks are great until they draw wild conclusions that make no sense right at the end. Like “understanding would be the norm”. No. That point was made literally nowhere here. Understanding goes FAR beyond voice. You could say it’ll increase understanding, but it wouldn’t become anywhere near the ‘norm’.

  5. I liked his communication skills and power of expression. He didn't gave a break in his speech with 'aahhh' , 'uuhhmmm' , etc.

  6. Спасибо. Все очень толково, понятно с интересной подачей. Только одно плохо. Я не знаю английского..

  7. These are nice assets and all, but they're not enough. The day I got a degree I learned this; People listen to power. In my case, no one ever dared to doubt me in computer science or mathematics after my degree. It's a shame really. So it's really more about who's talking than what is being talked about. E.g. if you're a computer scientist with a masters degree everyone (those without a tech degree) who talks about technology will immediately shut up and listen to you if you open your mouth about technology.

  8. Well all of these and many more personal etiquettes were taught, practiced and made obligatory for all muslims by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Unfortunately we muslims have forgotten importance of a good Akhlaq.

    Akhlaq Definition: Disposition, nature, temper, ethics, morals or manners (of a person)

  9. i believe it is extremely important to have people understand exactly what you mean when you are speaking to them. sometimes the way you say something completely changes the way a person perceives the meaning. a good example of this, is texting. how many times have we had someone take what we say the wrong way by just texting vs speaking?

  10. Интересно, у моей мамы единственной привычка включить дома какой-нибудь фильм на всю мощность колонок, а потом говорить с кем-то… Ну вернее орать на весь дом…

  11. Man I wish I could incorporate dramatic silences into my speech, but everytime I pause even for a second, a friend quickly jumps in and goes ”That reminds me of the time that I […]!”

  12. How to speak so that people want to listen – Hahahahahhahahhaha…. I've watched so many Videos in " Other Languages " that I couldn't even understand ONE word! But I've managed to Copy the Projects or what I was aiming to learn! REALLY? ?❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️

  13. It would have been cool to unpack WHY we associate deep voices with power: because we associate power with men, and instead of telling people to use their chest when talking, tell people to check themselves when they think of people as being shrill.

  14. God mentioned all you said in the Quraan before 1435 years ago. The following is just a few example from the Quraan, but there are thousands of others that cover everything you would think of:
    ١) There must be a group of people amongst you to conduct the others towards goodness, welfare, virtues and prevent them from vices.
    2) A good word is like a good tree, whose root is firmly fixed and its branches in the sky. It produces its fruit all the time, by permission of its Lord. And Allah presents examples for the people that perhaps they will be reminded. * And the example of a bad word is like a bad tree, uprooted from the surface of the earth, not having any stability.

  15. If you are poor, you dress poorly and you look poor … then most people (not all) out there will not listen to you no matter how perfectly you speak. On the other hand, knowing that you are rich they will listen to you all day long, clap for you before, during and after your speech and they will laugh for your ugly un-laughable jokes.
    Listening needs 2 types of people:
    A good talker and a good listener. If you don't pay a counselor then he/she will not even bother to see your face.

  16. İşte arkadaşlar eğer sesinizi güçlü biçimlerde kullanabilirseniz, TED gibi yerlerde sizleri dinleyen ''bilinçli insanları'' maymun edebilirsiniz. Hemde Tanrı olmanıza gerek kalmadan. Sadece konuşarak… 🙂

  17. Its facts, delivering something that is in some kind fresh/new to the audience, enthusiasm and how good you are at speaking in general (voice, speed, formulation).

  18. This guy is full of it. People love to hear gossip. Look at all the tabloid magazines. What they don't want to hear is truth. Bottom line is people listen to things that they think will benefit them. That's why I only listened to about half of his talk.

  19. This is crap. The MOST important thing is to know more than a couple of interesting subjects. If all you focus on is anime & videogames (just an example) you're limiting yourself and won't be able to carry your end of the conversation when people are not talking about anime, which is often.

  20. And what if I gossip negatively, I mean I complain, about my dogmatic way to judge people, which is a big lie to myself ? Would you guys excuse me ?

  21. How to do that and this has really confused us up and down. Anyways if you have useful contents in right context everything is fine

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