Griffin and Nick Make The REAL Mario Brothers  — CoolGames Inc Animated (by Shane Cagney!)
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Griffin and Nick Make The REAL Mario Brothers — CoolGames Inc Animated (by Shane Cagney!)

October 8, 2019


I feel like there’s some brand confusion
around the Mario Brothers that we could exploit that no one else is really touching. So you’re saying that we put our a video game
called ‘The REAL Mario Brothers.’ Right. Is that… is that allowed? Mario’s a name. They can’t… they don’t have a copyright
on ‘Mario,’ right? They can’t have a copyright on the name ‘Super
Mario Brothers.’ Cuz… guess what? There’s fuckin’ brothers out there whose both
names are Mario. And they’re… and they’re pretty cool. They’re pretty good. I’m… yeah. I think that there theoretically could be. You’re saying that once you name your second…
if you name your first son Mario, Nintendo’s not gonna do anything. You have a second son, you name him Luigi… Oh, they’re coming after you. Fuckin’ Shiggy kicks in your door like “Nooooope.” Like as soon as the baby crowns and you’re
like “Here comes Luigi!” He kicks in the door and he’s like… He kinda pushes the baby back in and is like
“Pick another name.” “Pick another name. I won’t let this…” “Wario?” “No. That’s… you KNOW that one’s not good either.” “You’re just saying that cuz you’re stressed
out, and I get that, cuz I am holding your second child IN right now, and I get why that’s
a stressful situation.” “But think fast, buddy, cuz this baby’s gonna…
keep cookin’… in this oven until you come up with another one.” “James? Maybe do James.” I like it better if in this scene Miyamoto-san
isn’t… isn’t saying anything. He just walks into the delivery room, gently
pushes the baby back inside, and just shakes his head no. But he’s got that… that warm smile, those
soft smiling eyes that he’s always got. He’s got a warm smile, but he’s… definitely,
definitely holding the baby in. Oh yeah. All the way. No, no, no.

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  1. It could be worse. If you try to name your baby after a Pixar character John Lasseter dismembers it with a machete.

  2. I mean, if the Ghostbusters cartoon can get away with calling itsef "The Real Ghostbusters" then I think you're fine, boys.

  3. "Here comes baby Mario!" you say, as your wife gives birth to your first son.
    Miyamoto slowly descends back into bushed out side of window
    [3 Years Later]
    "Here comes baby Luigi!" you say excitedly as your wife births your second son.
    Miyamoto quickly descends back into bushes. Loud, sprinting footsteps echo through the halls until the door busts open
    Miyamoto enters the room, walks over to your wife and gently pushes the baby back in. "No. Choose another name please." he says.
    "What do you mean?!" you say frantically.
    "You can't legally name your children after the Super Mario Brothers. Its law. Now cooperate and choose another name."
    "Uh, Wario?!" You shout.
    "No no no. Not that either. Next option please." Miyamoto says calmly.
    "Uh… Dave?!"
    "Hmm.. Yeah thats fine." Miyamoto says as he releases the baby.

    You call the cops, but just as they arrive Miyamoto escapes by throwing a turtle shell at them, then leaping into a pipe.

    The End.

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