Bows! Yes, I was going to say a bit more about bows and how they are portrayed in films. Here are a few things they get wrong about bows in films. Thing number 1: they use the word “Fire!” In several films I’ve come across this, I know for certain that Aragorn shouts “Fire!” in the absolutely laughable sequence of the Siege of Helm’s Deep Yeah yeah, the orcs they’d take pikes to a siege because they’re just the thing for a siege, aren’t they? When you get up to a castle, you can just…poke it with your pike until it gives in! Anyway, that’s a bit of a sideline. He shouts, “FIRE!” at all the archers. I mean, what does “FIRE!” mean to an ancient archer? It means: “Oh! There’s a fire somewhere! Woah, Okay! Quick, someone get us a bucket of sand! Where? Where’s the fire? What’s going on? Fire! No, he meant “Shoot!”, or “Loose!”, or “Release!”, or something but he didn’t mean “Fire!”. The word “Fire!” belongs to the age of FIRE-arms. They were using bows! There’s no gunpowder, there’s no flash in the pan, there’s no detonation. Wrong word! Okay, so don’t use the word “Fire!” Another thing they get wrong is this really quite alarming creaking noise. The Lord of the Rings movies did this particularly, but I’ve seen this in loads of other movies as well. As they draw the bow, there’s this really loud “CREAK!” [GUTTERAL CREAK] noise. If your bow makes that sound, stop using that bow! Because that bow is definitely on the way out! It may break at any moment, and that would be very dangerous for you! And not at all dangerous for the enemy. So, that’s another thing they get wrong. Another thing they get wrong is they use, for understandable reasons, very low-poundage bows. But what they’ve got to do is teach the actors to pretend that it’s a high-poundage bow. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen an actor holding the arrow on the string with his fingers either side of the arrow like that, He’s drawing it like that, with a bent arm, and goes: “ping!” “ping!” No! No, that’s not going to work at all! Okay, if you’ve got a war bow, a bow that’s going to do someone a serious amount of harm, you can’t just hold the arrow either side and pinch it back. No, no, you’ve got to get round that string somehow either with your fingers or if you’re using a thumb ring, you’ve got a ring with a little sort of hook on your thumb, you’ve got to get round that string somehow and draw the bow back, And your front arm is not going to be bent, okay? It’s not going to be bent. You’re going to push the bow away from you like that, with a straight arm, and quite often, you’ll push the bow upwards or downwards, and bend it into place using the muscles largely on your back. It’s quite a different movement, quite a different stance from the “ping!” that you see in films. So that’s another bug-bear of mine. What else… There was another thing… while I was at it… Oh yes! I remember now! Now film makers are very used to making films with guns, “I point a gun at you! You see, I’m pointing a gun at you!” There’s tension in this scene, And a character can be pointing a gun at another character for quite a long time, and having a conversation, and “will he shoot? Will he not shoot? What’s he going to do?” “Will the other guy make a break for it? What’s going to happen?” You can do that with a gun. So they try and do it with bows, but it doesn’t work with a bow! Again, with a proper bow that’s actually got a hefty bit of poundage to it, you’ve got your bow here and you don’t want to be holding it for long because if you do… you’re going to be juddering all over the place and you’re not going to hit a thing. And you’re using up an awful lot of energy which would be very useful for, you know, maybe shooting again later possibly! So as a commander, you don’t get everyone to draw and then hold them there, you know, in tremendous tension. “Ooh, when’s it going to be?” And then shout, “Loose!” No, you know, there’s not going to be a great pause between the draw and the release But in films quite often in the middle of a battle, one side will all draw their bows and then hold their bows for no reason whatsoever! The enemy might not even be moving! But the film maker thinks: “oh, this is going to build up tension!” Yeah right! I’m sorry, I’ve ranted enough for now.