CBS News has confirmed that the President has been asking about a big real estate deal. President Trump has, on multiple occasions, brought up the idea of buying Greenland from the Danish government. So Michael, how serious do you think this idea might be? It’s quite serious actually. [Reporter] Donald Trump trying to purchase what is basically a semi-autonomous region from Denmark, and now the government of Greenland issues this response, saying, hey, we’re not for sale. Saying it’s not for sale is the classic opening gambit. And as the elder statesman of late night, what if I negotiated the deal? I have as much, if not more, negotiating experience as Trump. I mean, come on, an 11 o’clock time slot on TBS? You don’t just get that, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, I’m going to get some advice on buying Greenland from a top real estate team. I actually went over to Greenland this morning just to take a look and here’s what I would suggest. I would knock out this glacier just to get a more open concept plan and add an kitchen island. Definitely would do a fire pit in the back with lots of seating. And if you want, maybe knock this mountain out of here so you’d have more natural light coming in from the north side. And to complete the deal, I realized I had to travel to Greenland myself. I’m going to travel to Greenland as part of Conan Without Borders. Before I went to Greenland, I had to Google Greenland. Greenland is a huge territory, three times larger than Texas, and 80% of it is covered in ice year-round. Vikings and Inuit cultures have called it home, and since 1814, it’s been a territory of the Danish. Now that I was an expert, the only thing left to do was pack my chapstick and head north and north and north. (majestic music) (audience cheering and clapping) Hello. How are you? Everyone just calm down. How are you? Fine. Here to buy your country. Hi, here to buy your country. Hello, I’m here to buy your country. Oh hello.
Hello, I’m here to buy your country. I also like that scarf. You could throw that into the deal. Here to buy your country. I’m aware, I’m afraid about that. No, you don’t think it’s going to happen? It’s going to happen. We’ll have a few drinks. What do you like to drink? Milk? Oh. Just leaving the airport. This is Vivi. Vivi, you want to just look this way really quickly. Don’t crash, there’s Vivi. Vivi is, sorry I made you look at the camera, and then we were almost, we were almost killed. That would have been my fault. Look at that, there’s an iceberg right there. That’s crazy, that’s fantastic. There’s a little blue shed. You guys have it all. (laughing) Do you want to see the golf course? You have a golf course? (laughing) I thought we were driving into a quarry. This is the Nuuk Golfklub. President Trump, this is where you’ll be playing golf once the purchase goes through. Are you excited about becoming part of the United States? No.
Would you like? You’re not, you don’t want to be part of the United States? What’s wrong with us? We’re a great country. But you’re all fat. What’s that?
(audience laughing) We’re not all fat. Do I look fat to you? Grab, grab that, grab that. What do you think? That’s a lot of fat. That is so rude. That’s a terrible misconception about Americans. Let me clear that up right now. Only 90% of Americans are fat. What incredible landscape. How long have you lived here Vivi? I have lived here all my life, but I’m from south Greenland, not from Nuuk. Yeah, you kinda have sort of a southern Greenland accent. This is our hotel? Tell me about this hotel. Is it a good one? It’s the only one. (audience laughing)
Oh, it’s the only one. What a great Yelp review. It’s the only one. It’s the hotel. How are you? Fine, you? Very nice. I would like to get a room please, and I would also like to purchase your country. (audience laughing) No, you can’t purchase my country. Talk to our Prime Minister. Well, you tell your Prime Minister that Conan O’Brien is here and he’d like a room and he’d like to purchase Greenland. I have 8000 Danish krones. Well, that’s way too short. What do you mean it’s too short? Who are you to say? You’re not the Prime Minister. You can’t even buy an iPhone for that. You can’t buy an iPhone for 8000 krones. Well, maybe an iPhone 5. (audience laughing) Let’s put this on The White House credit card, if you don’t mind, and just ring that through, okay? We good? Yeah. This is easier than I thought. Are you excited about becoming part of the United States? Not really. Pretty great country. Good music in the old days. In the old days? We still have great music. What are you talking about? What do you mean America doesn’t have good music anymore? What music are you talking about? 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s? You think we haven’t had good music since then? What are you talking about? 80’s too. Michael Jackson. All right, so you like Michael Jackson, okay. This guy’s not up on the news. Get the papers here. Excuse me, are you excited about becoming part of the United States of America? No. Why not? What’s wrong with our country? We’ve got really good fast food in America. What’s that? It’s not healthy. Not healthy? Well, you guys are eating whale blubber. You know, I’ll tell you something. As an American citizen, you’ll be able to eat other American citizens and all the blubber you want. Land-based blubber is not good. Welcome to America. No, welcome to Greenland. Welcome to America. Welcome to Greenland. I said America.
Greenland. Oh, I love this guy. So, tell me Vivi, this is downtown Nuuk? [Vivi] This is downtown Nuuk, yeah, the capital of Greenland, yes. Are you willing to become part of America? No, not really. Why not? You don’t love our country? It’s too foreign for me. Well, once we buy you, we won’t seem foreign to you anymore. Do you like the Fast and Furious movies? Do you like Vin Diesel? No. Me neither. They don’t make any sense. How can you solve crimes just driving cars? It makes no sense. I’m with you on that one. What is your name again? My name is Conan. Here in Greenland, children live inside advertisements. (audience laughing) Please stop. And then you stop. Okay, let’s cross, kids. Let’s come across. This is what Americans do. We bring order to a chaotic system. Come on through. Hold on one sec. (audience laughing) Is there anything you like about America? We put the cheese in the crust of the pizza. That was us, we came up with that. Have you had that? I don’t like cheese. You don’t like cheese? Well, maybe you’re not part of this negotiation then. America.
Greenland. No, I said America. You’re not going to believe this, but the best pizza I’ve ever had in my life was not here. Nice to see you.
Welcome to Greenland. Thank you, you have a Make America Great Again hat. Yes. Are you a big Trump supporter? No, but I would like to thank him for the publicity he’s given Greenland. Oh, so you’re wearing his hat ironically? (laughs) Is there any part of America that you really like? Alaska. What’s your name? Rinuk. Rinuk? Rinuk. Rinuk, Rinuk? Oo. Oo? E.
E-i. U-i. That’s too many vowels. You’ve used every vowel twice. Okay, and what is your name? Oh my god. Say it again? You’re just making up names. My name is Conan. (bell dings) (audience laughing) You know that President Trump is trying to buy Greenland, did you know that? Do you like that idea? No.
Not really. What if Greenland bought America? Would you like that? You like that idea? I’m killing with these kids. You guys are the best. Do you want to come to Los Angeles and be in my audience and just laugh at everything I say? Yes.
Yeah. You want to do that? I will pay you. Just anything I say, ka-ba-doo-ba. Sound-a-moo. This is my core audience, you guys are the best. You’re the best. Please come to the United States. Our president, Donald Trump, wants to buy Greenland. Well, I don’t want Trump to be my president. Okay, well, he won’t be president forever. He’s only gonna do three or four terms max, and then he’ll be done, probably by late 2048. Probably by then, we’ll get Joe Biden. Joe Biden is better, yeah.
He’ll be like 120 by then. He’ll be a brain in a jar. I really want to make this happen. Wouldn’t you love it if I was your talk show host? Yeah, that would be lovely. So that’s a reason to do it, don’t you think? Yeah, let’s just do it anyways then. Yeah, hey, good. Wow, you changed your mind. I’m optimistic. Okay good, yes. Think of that way, I will be your talk show host. Let’s make this happen.
All right thank you. I’ve been holding on to your shoulder for a little while. Yeah I know. Is that okay? I don’t mind, I don’t mind. But did you notice? Yeah, I’m just a big fan, so I’m just gonna. But you noticed, didn’t you, you did notice, didn’t you? It’s weird, it’s too long, and it’s still too long. (laughs) It’s awkward in any country. I’m just gonna do the same. Yes.