What happens when 800 of the world’s most elite footballers and their managers live together under one roof? Players stop being polite and start getting Real This is The Champions I’m Paul and I know how to make headlines I’ve scored more times in Manchester than Noel Gallagher I’m so good I’m in the MLS, and they still put me in this intro Everybody knows I’m at the same level as Messi and Ronaldo… …why is everybody laughing? Bayern Munich Oktoberfest Ooh Absolutely nicht Aw! First, the World Cup. Now this!? I don’t get to go to anything fun OK, for one, the World Cup sucked this year. Secondly, zis party is for dummkopfs Marco, please! They have a chocolate fountain…just like home! As your captain, I say NEIN! He has a chocolate fountain… in his home? Yes, I’m from Hershey It’s weird there So every year, Bayern zey throw zis party and act like zey are just cool fun guys But really, ze whole thing is just a ploy to poach ze best young players from ze other Bundesliga teams Marco’s a vee bit sensitive about zis because he’s lost many Dortmund friends over ze years Lewandowski Hummels And of course me What can I say? I was young, and I needed to Pep my cherry Hey, have you guys seen my lederhosen? I can’t find zem Scheisse! Ow Heja BVB! Wow! Zer’s like twice as many people at zis party as there is in Hoffenheim Ja! I just saw someone I didn’t know! Hey, where is coach? C’mon, let me through My whole team is in there Sorry. I have to see ID for anyone who looks 16 or younger. Hey zer! Oh hi You’re ze American kid for Dortmund, right? Chris? Christian, yeah Oh cool, cool I’m Jerome Zis is Thomas Oh, please You can just call me Raumdeuter Raumdeuter is a nickname I gave to myself There’s no word in English for it but it sort of means “space interpreter.” It’s very cool actually Do you see him anywhere? Nein If I were American, where would I be? Aha! At the weisswurst breakfast sausage station after breakfast time! Hurensöhne! Zer he is. Let’s go…TZE! So yeah…it’s my new bar The Flying Dutchman We’re having an after-party there You should come We don’t go to DIVE bars! So what’s, like, your favorite thing about the Bundesliga? If I’m being honest I don’t really consider us in ze Bundesliga Yeah…we’re sort of like PSG in Ligue 1 or Justin Timberlake in NSYNC… Let’s just say if ze Bundesliga is Baywatch we’re David Hasselhoff He doesn’t know David Hasselhoff. You know why? Because he’s ONLY 20 YEARS OLD, YOU BAVARIAN CREEPS! Raumdeuter Are you OK? No! I just need some space. Just please give me some space to interpret! You can’t be talking to zem Zey are all jerks! You’re not my dad You’re just bitter because they never wanted you How dare you Fine. You want him? €70 million, and he’s yours Wait, what? For him? 70…million? For him? No thanks.