Brewstew – Rat Hunting
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Brewstew – Rat Hunting

December 9, 2019

Alright, so this story is a little disgusting It’s a story about my roommate Brewer
and myself living in a house, infested with rats Delicious! Now, after all the haunted duplex shenanigans Me and Brewer decided to move
into an even shittier house In the even shittier neighbourhood And instead of dealing with demon ghosts,
we get to deal with a bunch of disgusting-ass rats I think I’d rather live with
like a pissed-off orangutan Or something like that instead “Uh, Mr.Bubbles? Do you find
if we watch Netflix in here?” “HRHRHWRWHRWRHWHRW” “Oh, God!” *human and ape screams* Now, when we moved in, we obviously
didn’t know that the house was infested But after a couple of days, we started
seeing tiny poop pellets in the kitchen “Uhm, hey, have you been leaving
little tiny turds around the house?” “Uuuhm, no?” “Huh! Well, I wonder what that’s all about” It wasn’t until one night
I was in the bathroom taking a dump I look over, and I see the ass of a rat
hanging out of the hole in the wall Well, that’s not something you want to see,
while you’re totally vulnurable, taking a poop “Oh my God! What do I do? What do I do?!” My first instinct was to grab a pair of scissors
and cut its tail off But then I was like: ‘No, that’s fucked up!
That’s like some Jeffrey Dahmer shit’ What the hell is the matter with you? So in mid-poop, with my pants around my ankles,
I open the door and yell: “RATS, WE GOT RATS IN THE HOUSE!
INVADING MY PRIVACY!” Now, it’s important to note,
that this wasn’t a mouse Mouse is little, it’s cute,
it’s friends with Donald Duck People like mice Rats, on the other hand, they’re big, they’re nasty And they couldn’t give two fucks about Donald Duck Now, my bedroom in this house
was on the bottom floor So that means I could hear the rats
outside my door all night long Now, that’s pretty damn disgusting All I could think about was: ‘Well,
what the hell happens if one of them comes in here?’ “Hey..Hey, what’s the password
to your Netflix account?” “We want to watch season four of Scrubs out there!” I’d open my bedroom door,
they’d all scatter every which way But there was one big-ass rat that was like
twice the size of any of the other ones A goddamn thing was like
half the size of Brewer’s dog It was the Megazord of rats That goddamn thing looked like a boss
from the Mortal Kombat game It was not afraid of me at all It’d just be staring at me like:
“The fuck are you looking at?!” “Why don’t you get in the kitchen
and make me some Bagel Bites?” So needless to say we had
a big problem on our hands People stopped coming to our house and shit “I’m not going over there,
I don’t want typhus” Well, I’ll be damned, if I’m gonna live up to
my asshole in the bunch of rats Desperate times call for desperate measures So the next night I’m lying
on the living room floor with the BB gun I got the cupcake out of kitchen as bait,
It’s time to pull a Lee Harvey Oswald And assassinate me a few rats I actually got a real footage
of this fantastic time of my life Boom! Right there is the cupcake,
buttercream frosting, it’s delicious And look who shows up
Fat-ass rat looking to party I take the shot And I totally fuck it up Well, Sam Lee Harvey Oswald I am Jesus Christ, my ass wouldn’t even
hit the JFK’s convertible, shooting like that So let’s slow the footage down and analyze it
like some little rat Zapruder film Here’s the shot And this goddamn rat does some
Neo from the Matrix backflip bullshit Over my goddamn bullet Okay, so clearly the BB gun is not gonna work Time to move on to rat poison We sprinkle a bit of rat poison
right on the front step of these assholes’ house And sure as hell the next day it’s all gone
They damn well licked that plate clean Two days later I go into our basement
and there’s four dead rats on the ground Alright, job well done.
But wait a minute, where’s that big bastard at? That goddamn Megazord rat is nowhere to be seen Two more days go by
I’m sitting in my room, watching TV And lo and behold, the Big Kahuna himself
comes crawling across the floor in broad daylight Like somebody’s drunk uncle, and just dies
right there in the middle of the living room Here’s the picture of that goddamn thing I put a little Taco Bell packet in there,
so you can get a reference of the size But before we can celebrate,
Brewer’s dog prances on it She sees that dead rat, she’s like:
“Oooh, what do we have here?” “A dead rat? Full of disease and poison?
Well, I better have a lick!” *nom-nom-nom-nom* Surely afterwards, I walk out there See Brewer’s dog making out with this rat carcass The dog looks up on my like:
“Well, I wasn’t just gonna leave it there” “I am a god, you stupid ass!” So I panic, I call Brewer while he’s at work And I’m like:”Uuh, your dog was just licking
a dead rat like an icecream cone” “You got any last words you wanna say to her?” But she was alright We took her to a vet afterwards,
and they gave her some medicine “How about you don’t let your dog eat dead rats?” So our house was officially rat-free,
nobody got typhus And I could poop in peace again The end. Special thanks to: Chas McQuillan, Innovation Pro,
Cameron J, Vinnie Pretet, Marcus Johnson, Bobby Luu Special thanks to: Wesley Rocco, Steven Meekel
Matthew Dodd, Kevin Scannell, Babalou Productions Special thanks to: Wren Danforth, James Walker,
Mr. Damien15, Shawn Smart & All the other patrons!

Only registered users can comment.

  1. 1:18
    Mouse; little, they're cute, and friends with Donald Duck. People like mice.
    Rats on the other hand, they're big, they're nasty, and they couldn't give two f*cks about Donald Duck.

  2. When my house was infested with rats I went In the backyard with a pellet gun and shot when I saw one It ran In the Bush so brought my cat out to drag it out turns out I had hit it in ankle, then I put 2 in its head

  3. Was there a moral to this story? Maybe using rat poison from the start? Or don't let dogs lick dead rats? Or maybe watch out for rats before you poop? Something?

  4. We don’t have rats but we do have mice we have a simple solution of rat poison but we have 4 retarted Ass chihuahuas that like to eat said mice so we can’t poison them cuz then my dumb ass dogs will find them and eat them or just eat the rat poison itself

  5. 2019? also im waiting until brewstew gets to the final boss and that is TERRIBLE ROOMATES after all of the rats and demons.

  6. Then Brewers dog is small because that rat isn't big that's a normal sized rat I killed a rat the size of a house cat with poison

  7. Hey o got a story about when we put a dead dear on the train tracks stood him up with rope and a garden hose and waited on a bridge till a train came would make a grate video

  8. All these likes are how mad he was when the rat did the”needle from the matrix’s backflip bullshit over his bullet” #brewstew

  9. I have had a rat experience and once I turned on the lawnmower and I just heard shredding and rat guts and rat blood everywhere and I looked under the lawnmower and there were 2 gutted rat body's just lying there with there guts everywhere it was disgusting.

  10. I’m 13 years old, and the basement/cave that I call my bedroom is currently infested with mice. I just got back from my break, and found a dead one. So I just covered it with a bike helmet so I didn’t have to deal with it. It’s still there now.

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