Biathlon – How Hard Could It Be?
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Biathlon – How Hard Could It Be?

November 19, 2019

– Hey! Here he is.
– Hey, buddy. Welcome to the Medallica strategy sesh. – So when are we going to South Korea? – The seventh of Feb. – So we haven’t filmed anything… yet. – We did all that. – We’ve written up… – Ok. Alright. What are the ideas? – Winter sports. How ——- difficult could they be? – We’ll do a bunch of these sports. – What are sports you’re suggesting? – Biathlon. – You need snow to do it… and it’s summer. This is a ——- disaster. – Biathlon is a crazy as —- sport that involves cross-country skiing and rifle shooting. Invented in Norway in 1621 after trout slapping was outlawed, Scandinavian and other similar snow-heavy countries —- with biathlon super hard at the Winter Olympics. The Germans have won the most medals all-time with 45. Wunderbar! Enter the most German-sounding guy we could find: Friedl Bartsch, AKA the Iceman. Friedl is one of the foremost biathlon coaches in Australia and has won gold medals at the World Championships. He also invented a sweet laser rifle and works at a nuclear power plant. He’s ——- legit. So Gus is gonna go out, and you’re gonna take him for laser biathlon because we don’t actually have snow, It’s about 30 degrees in the Australian summer. – Yep. Well, Australians have to… learn how to make do with what we have. If there is anything that can describe the Australian spirit, I think it’s “we make do with what we have”. – Alright, so we just open it up. Put the boot in. – Just like skis. Sweet. Come here. – Yeah. Just like skis. – Further forward. No. The bar goes in right… – I feel like we’re off to a roaring start, Friedl. – There we go. Nah. I got it. – Slide your foot forward. – Yeah. – That’s… ok. – I’ve got skates on that simulate ski… snow. – To simulate… ski-snow? – Alright? – Just praying to whatever gods he can. That does not sound healthy. It literally sounds like a lamb being slaughtered. – Yeah. Okay, sweet. – Yep? – Yeah, I’ve got this down. – Yep. No worries – That is just such misplaced confidence. So Gus is now graduated from biathlon preschool, meaning there’s only one thing left to do. Death race! Three… two… one. Biathlon!! – This guy’s 62. He’s already got me cooked. Alright. First turn. First turn… – Glorious! Look at him, just gliding through like a gazelle. – This is not going well! – Just striding through. Masterful! Brilliant! Arousing! – There’s some weird-ass people around here, I tell ya… – You haven’t seen half of it yet. – Sorry… sorry. – Alright. Trained for this. – Two out of five ain’t bad. Final lap, mate. Dig deep! He’s… he’s got no idea. And Friedl’s already back! Good lord! Perfect in every way. The iceman cometh! What are the odds that we are gonna see Friedel again before we see Gus again? There he is! The flash of yellow coming through the forest. Here comes the iceman… here comes the iceman! He’s chasing him down! Let’s see… oh my god… let’s see this comes true. Friedl’s gonna cross the line on his third lap faster than Gus is coming around on his second, I reckon. Here we go. – Gus. – What happened behind those bushes?! – Silver… Silver’s a medal! – Silver is a medal. Second comes right after first. – Biathlon 101, high distinction. Well done, mate. Well done. – Where’s the nearest hospital in Wollongong? Because my heart rate is above 300. – So how hard can it be? – Oh, this is the harder sport I’ve ever done. 11 out of 10. Vis-á-vis pretty, pretty difficult. – There you go. – Have we got any water left? —- off, guys.

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