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7 Unnecessarily Horrifying Characters in Kid-Friendly Games (N64) | blameitonjorge

September 18, 2019


Sometimes the best scares come from the most
unexpected places. When we’re playing a horror game like Resident
Evil, we’re always on edge, expecting something spooky to come out at any moment. While they definitely do scare the hell out
of us, we already know they’re coming. Now, when they come from a cute and cuddly
“kids” game, well that’s a different story. So today, we’re gonna take a look at some
of the characters that brought out these moments in N64 games. And we’re going to talk about one game per entry, because that’s more fun. These are 7 unnecessarily horrifying characters
in kid-friendly games. The Ghost of Wrinkly Kong from Donkey Kong
64 Wrinkly Kong is a kindly old gorilla who appeared
throughout the Donkey Kong Country series. Unlike her husband, Cranky Kong, she actually
tries to help the Kongs by offering them advice about the games items and objects. Through her life she was very caring and intelligent,
being a faithful wife to Cranky and a possible grandmother or mother to Donkey Kong. That’s still a bit up in the air. Unfortunately she passed away after the events
of Donkey Kong Country 3. Throughout Donkey Kong 64, we are left with
sad reminders of her life through these Wrinkly Doors that– Holy shit! Alright, so Wrinkly Kong does make a posthumous
appearance in Donkey Kong 64 as a ghost. While she assures you that she is not there
to harm you and you shouldn’t be afraid, those bone-chilling sounds of her spirit coming
forward were enough to make any child actively avoid every single Wrinkly Door they came
across, no matter how helpful her advice was. It’s almost a shame how freaky she is in
this game, as she is still just as sweet as she was in life, even being the only Kong
in the game to offer her help for free. Despite being dead, Wrinkly Kong continues
to make appearances in Donkey Kong games, even being featured as a playable character
in DK: King of Swing, DK: Jungle Climber and Donkey Kong Barrel Blast. Thankfully without that hellish ghostly shriek. Clanker from Banjo Kazooie Back in 1998, an instant classic was released
in the form of Banjo-Kazooie. The worlds were fairly small, contained and
cute, as seen in the first two worlds ‘Mumbo’s Mountain’ and ‘Treasure Trove Cove’. When entering the third world for the first
time, it seems to be the same case. You enter a small sewer system with some ugly
crabs walking about, when suddenly you find yourself in an enormous body of water… and
you clearly aren’t alone. You’re greeted by a pair of big of creepy
eyes, and an even bigger set of sharp teeth. This is Clanker, Gruntilda the Witch’s garbage
disposal system. Clanker is a tragic character that only becomes
terrifying when you begin to realize what he truly is. While he may seem to be a completely mechanical
fish-shark thing, when you enter his body you find organic organs and bones inside. Just what exactly was Clanker before Gruntilda
found him? He is completely submerged under sewer water
when you first meet him, despite him having to breath through a blowhole, so it’s clear
that he is not being treated well. After helping Banjo find the rest of the jigsaw
pieces in the area, he is never seen again… until ten years later in the 2008 title Banjo-Kazooie:
Nuts & Bolts. In the level ‘Banjoland’, which is a museum
of every Banjo level from the first two games. Clanker makes an appearance here… cut up
into many, many pieces and scattered throughout the level. Taking his organic-interior into account,
this becomes incredibly gruesome. He’s still alive too, meaning that he has
to live with this horror now. In some pre-release footage of the original
Banjo-Kazooie, Clanker appears to be a fully organic shark. So what happened to him that turned him into
this monstrosity? The god of this world is truly cruel to Clanker. Brain Andross from Star Fox 64 At the beginning of the Star Fox series, Dr.
Andross was a simple well-intentioned and respected scientist. However, his lust for power turned him insane,
and was eventually banished to the planet Venom, where he began his conquest for the
entire galaxy. Andross is the final boss of Star Fox 64,
and playing through a normal route has you face his monstrous creepy monkey face in some
drug-induced nightmare arena. Making it to the end of Venom has you facing
Andross as normal, until you obliterate his face, revealing… this disgusting abomination. The true final fight is with Andross’ disembodied
floating brain and retinas. It’s one of the most disgusting final bosses
in a Nintendo game, and is incredibly unnerving seeing it move around… especially those
retinas. It’s sad just how far Andross has fallen
from grace, going from a respected scientist to an eldritch abomination. And if that wasn’t enough, they managed
to make him look even more grotesque in the 3DS remake, Star Fox 64 3D. Luckily, Brain Andross is absent from the
second remake, Star Fox Zero, instead being replaced by a metallic robot Andross. Although it feels a bit wrong to not have
him around anymore, but perhaps it’s for the best that we didn’t see him in HD. The Killer Piano in Super Mario 64 Sometimes our assumptions can get the best
of us. For example, assuming that there won’t be
anything horrifying in a series as playful and wholesome as Super Mario. We were all guilty of this before playing Super Mario 64. Never again now. When entering the level “Big Boo’s Haunt”,
the atmosphere feels .. incredibly uneasy, one that feels almost out of place
in a Mario game. But whatever, it’s probably just the standard
Mario ghosts, like Boos and Dry Bones, right? Well… Meet the Killer Piano, infamous for making
a generation of kids shit their pants collectively. This seemingly normal piano becomes a musical
greeting card from hell the second you get too close to it. Horrible jagged teeth protrude from it as
it stomps towards you, while making sounds that sound like someone is smashing all of
its keys at once. It’s impossible to kill this piano as well,
despite the official Nintendo Power Player’s Guide stating that it was possible. That was a lie. Maybe it was a typo, or maybe it was meant
to instill false security. Who knows. Perhaps it’s the latter, because the developers
had the nerve to place a red coin behind this thing. Thankfully, the Killer Piano has only appeared
in Super Mario 64 and its DS remake. While it did make cameos in both Mario Party
2 and Mario Party 8, it was luckily detained behind the invisible walls of the game boards. Dead Hand from Ocarina of Time Unlike the Mario series, The Legend of Zelda
is a bit more realistic… well, as realistic a Nintendo game can be. Having said that, scary moments were a bit
more commonplace in the series by the time that Ocarina of Time was released, such as
the Wallmasters from A Link to the Past. However, no amount of creepy pixelated hands
could prepare you for this disgusting mess of polygons. In the second half of the game, Link must
venture through the sewer system beneath Kakariko Village. This sewer system is full of corpses and enormous
spiders, which really gets even worse when you realize that the entire town has been
drinking corpse water this entire time. But anyways, towards the end of this mini-dungeon,
you enter a small room with what appears to be long, bloody pale arms sticking out of
the ground. Getting too close to investigate causes them
to grab you by the head, revealing the horrifying Dead Hand to rise from the ground! Dead Hand is hands-down one of the most disturbing
enemies in the entire Zelda series. It appears to be a mass of flabby flesh covered
in patches of dried blood, slowly crawling towards you as it’s horrendously long hands,
complete with overgrown red fingernails, pins you down so it can gnaw at you with its gaping
large mouth. Eventually, Link is able to overcome the abomination
and gains the Lens of Truth. However, even after it is killed, its body
does not disappear like most other enemies in the game. Instead, its body lays there, convulsing as
if rigor mortis is setting in. It’s insane how much they went out of their
way to make this one enemy so goddamn horrifying. It appears that Dead Hand was somewhat censored
in the 3DS remake, having less bloody patches on its body. However, now it just looks like a big blob
of flabby skin. You either need to go all the way with this
guy, or not at all. There’s no in-between for Dead Hand. O2 from Kirby 64 Despite its cute and cuddly exterior, the
Kirby series has some seriously fucked up enemies. From Marx Soul in Kirby Super Star to Star
Dream in Kirby Planet Robobot, it seems they try to outdo themselves in every game by having
the most unexpectedly terrifying final boss to appear in a game about a cute pink marshmallow. Today, however, we’ll be looking at perhaps
the most well-known final boss of the Kirby series, and possibly the creepiest. Zero first appeared in the Super Nintendo
title ‘Kirby’s Dreamland 3’ as the true final boss. Virtually nothing was known about him at the
time other than the fact that he is the creator of Dark Matter, the final boss from Kirby’s
Dreamland 2. He is destroyed at the end of the game, likely
to never be seen again. Except he is seen again, in the form of 02,
the final boss of Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards. It’s unknown how exactly Zero was reincarnated,
but two things are certain; he’s back and he is pissed. Taking on the appearance of a fallen angel,
complete with a halo and red wings, 02 actually cries blood in his concept art, and small
splotches of what appears to be blood come out of his eye with every hit it takes. This is the first and only appearance of blood
in a Kirby game, and it definitely gets the impact it was looking for. After his defeat, 02 and the Dark Matter deteriorate
into nothing, and are finally vanquished for good. However, Dark Matter recently starting seeping
back into the games in Planet Robobot… Perhaps Zero will return as 03 someday…? The Zombies from Conker’s Bad Fur Day While not exactly what you’d call a “kids” game, Conker’s Bad Fur Day is still not the kind of game where you’d expect to be legitimately scared. It’s a mostly raunchy and comedic adventure, taking jabs at Rare’s usual cutesy gameworlds as seen in Banjo-Kazooie and Donkey Kong 64, complete with googly eyes on damn near everything. However, things get a little spooky whenever you enter the aptly named “spooky” chapter. In this chapter, Conker travels to his great-great-great-great-great grandfather, Count Batula’s mansion. An angry village mob soon arrives at the front door, revealing that Count Batula is a vampire. Shocker. Conker and Batula team up, and put the villagers into a grinder, killing them and feeding their blood directly to the Count. Eventually the Count becomes so overweight, and ends up falling into the grinder himself, killing him. Afterwards, Conker is left alone in the mansion, when suddenly the dead rise to attack. These Zombies are presumably the remains of the villagers from earlier in the night, and are actually quite frightening. They have unpleasant gurgling moaning noises, and feature bloody and decaying flesh all over their bodies, in addition to a rotting eyeball hanging from their eye socket. Soon enough, the mansion is full of them and the only way out is through them. Like many Zombies throughout different forms of media, these Zombies can only be killed with a shot to the head The gameplay switches to a third-person shooter for this segment, completing the whole ‘Resident Evil’ feeling this chapter oozes. Again, while not a children’s game, let’s not pretend like we didn’t all play, or at least try to play this game when we were younger. I guess this level put us back in our places, running back to our Super Mario 64s and Banjo-Kazooies. Although they had their fair share of scares too, so it looks like nowhere is safe. The Moon From Majora’s Mask Honestly, we could fill an entire list of
entries just from The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. The game has no shortage of absolutely horrifying
characters, from the Skull Kid, to the Happy Mask Salesman to the Majora’s Mask itself. But for now, we’re going to be looking at
the one character who is with you for your entire journey. The constant reminder that looms over your
head to make sure you know that time is running out, and everyone you know will be dead soon. The Moon from Majora’s Mask makes sure you
feel rushed and panicked everytime you look up in the sky as he gets closer and closer
with each passing day. Visible from just about every outdoor area
in the game, the Moon slowly creeps down towards Termina until the third and final day where
it makes impact with the ground and kills everyone. Furthermore, the Moon has a constant look
of pure anger as it stares down at you. It’s unclear if this is the actual moon
from the sky, or an original creation made by the Majora’s Mask. It is rather strange how small it is compared
to the actual moon in other Zelda games, but this could be explained by Termina being a
in different dimension from Hyrule. There is no mention of the Triforce or Zelda in Termina afterall. Towards the beginning of the game, a gem falls
from the Moon, called the Moon’s Tear. Did this thing cry? Could it be possible that the Moon doesn’t want this? Is it being forced down to the ground against
its will? Is it even sentient? These are all questions that have no answers,
and perhaps its best that they remain unanswered. Despite its obvious rocky exterior, the final
area of the game takes place on the surface of the Moon, depicted as a sunny meadow with
a single large tree in the middle. Butterflies float about as four masked children
run around the tree, with a lone child wearing the Majora’s Mask sitting underneath the
tree. The Moon is truly an enigma in the world of
Termina. Early screenshots of the game show a faceless
moon, with the ugly face we’ve come to fear being added in later. Well, it certainly made those short three
days feel a lot shorter, so I guess the face got the job done. Let’s be thankful that the Moon doesn’t
have a face in any other Zelda game. Or in real life for that matter.

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