• From punching to dog walking, we count
11 ridiculous Arcade games from all over the world.
11 – Inu no Osanpo, • Do you wish you had a dog of your own?
Maybe your landlord won’t let you have pets, or maybe your parents have said no to you
a million and one times, or maybe Nintendogs just doesn’t cut it anymore, well this is
the game for you. • In English it translates to Dog Walking
and that’s not an abstract term like Final Fantasy, the game is about giving you the
authentic dog walking experience, without all the allergens.
• But seriously, I cannot even fathom why anyone would want to walk on a treadmill and
pretend to walk a dog, it just doesn’t make any sense, but then again: Japan.
10 – Sonic Blast Heroes, • Imagine a strength testing game except
add in a bunch of weird rules and graphics and you have Sonic Blast Heroes.
• Basically it’s a boxing game except without dodging or blocking and if you go
to Taito’s website they’re advertising a brand new version, except all they added
was some safety features. • But hey, how often do you get to punch
a T-Rex in the face? Well reasonably often, but I guess the weirdness of what you’re
punching makes it a little less dumb. 9 – Cow Milking Game,
• In this game you insert your coins, sit on a stool and milk some fake, but oddly realistic
looking udders. • I don’t really know how you get a high
score, maybe it’s for speed? All I know is that this isn’t designed to teach you
how to properly milk a cow, it’s designed to be a game for fun.
• I know when I think of fun, I think of gripping and tugging tubes of rubber under
a hunk of fibreglass
and metal, don’t you? 8 – Turnip Strength Tester,
• This one’s from Soviet era Russia, and it’s basically another strength testing
game, except instead of hitting a punching bag, you pull on a lever, thing.
• Of course since it’s from a bygone era there’s no fancy graphics, or any graphics
at all apart from a digital score display. • The weirdest thing about this is that
it’s based on an old Russian folk tale where a kid can’t pull a turnip out of the ground,
and that’s why it’s called the Turnip Strength Tester.
7 – Amusement Washing Machine, • So instead of shoving your clothes in
the machine and forgetting about it for about an hour, this washing machine requires you
to complete a game in order to get your clothes to clean.
• If you suck at the game you need to insert more coins, otherwise your clothes won’t
be properly washed. • I can see this being a fun thing to do
in a laundromat, but honestly I’d rather just mess around on my phone and not risk
the whole process take longer than it needs to.
6 – The Tablecloth Hour, • You know that party trick where you set
up a table (cloth, plates, cups and all) and then pull the table cloth out at just the
right speed, at just the right angle and all the cups and plates stay pretty much where
they were without spilling anything? • Well Japan has made an arcade game out
of it, for some reason. • I’ll admit I’d play this if I saw
it, but I’d only do so once and then never again, the only thing about the table cloth
trick is that it’s somewhat impressing, but getting a high-score in this won’t impress
anyone and it’s almost certainly not very fun.
5 – Wall Street, • No it’s not based on the movie and it’s
not a number crunching maths based game either, it’s a game where you try and catch suicidal
stockbrokers as they jump out of windows from the umpteenth story.
• But then it gets weirder, afterwards you run around maze-levels as a stock broker shooting
lightning bolts from your hands and collecting money and girls.
• This just reeks of an idea made from having a little too much fun with illicit materials,
if not then I fear for the creator’s sanity. 4 – Marine Catcher,
• Those claw games you see all the time where you get stuffed animals are kinda shitty,
I always feel like it’s less about skill and more about the machine choosing to let
me win and even when I do win I get a 40 cent plushy toy that I didn’t really want anyway.
• But luckily Marine Catcher fixes that last part, instead of getting more clutter,
you can catch some dinner in the most unorthodox way since dynamite fishing.
• That’s right, this crane machine includes live lobsters for you to catch, of course
since the crane moves so slowly and the lobsters move fast it’s almost impossible to catch
them. 3 – Tsukkomi Yousei Gips Nice Tsukkomi,
• Slap stick comedy is one of the earliest types of comedy, it’s right up there with
fart and penis jokes, but for the first time you get to play a slap stick comedy game!
• The hapless man watching the machine you play on needs to get slapped by you in order
to proceed through the game, how do you lose you ask? I don’t have a clue, maybe not
slapping him hard enough or something? • There’s very little in the way of information
about this game in English, I’m not even certain I have the right name for it, but
either way I know enough about to know that I have no clue how it’s a game people would
want to pay for. 2 – Cho Chabudai Gaeshi,
• Also known as Super Table Flip, it’s based on a Japanese… thing, where if a person,
usually a father, gets angry he flips the dinner table over ruining it for everyone.
• Miyamoto described this as an old fashioned Japanese father act of destroying a family,
so naturally you want to turn this into an arcade game right?
• Obviously it’s not made by Miyamoto himself, but still, it’s an utterly ridiculous
game that not even the Japanese enjoy playing. 1 – Boong-Ga Boong-Ga
• This game is made by South Korea, designed for Japan, so obviously it involves turning
your fingers into the shape of a gun and shoving it up an animatronic anus.
• But that’s not all it includes, you can also slap that arse, and that’s actually
it, that’s the entirety of this game, anal fingering and butt spanking.
• Then at the end of the game you get a card that rates you on, and I quote this,
‘sexual behaviours’, people who do especially well get a small plastic poop.